Tamara Driskell, LMHC

Confidence isn’t something you find!!! It’s evidence you collect.

Every time you tolerate the discomfort of being seen, saying the thing, making the ask, setting the boundary, posting the work, or taking the risk, you teach your brain something new:

I can handle what happens when I stop hiding.

That’s DISTRESS TOLERANCE.

And intentionally expanding it is one of the fastest ways to build real self-trust.

Start small.

Take the risk that makes your nervous system whisper absolutely fu***ng not without actually putting you in danger.

Let yourself survive the awkwardness, uncertainty, rejection, visibility, desire, or possibility.

Then do it again.

Because courage gives the brain new evidence.

New evidence changes what feels possible.

And eventually, the version of you that once felt audacious starts feeling inevitable.

You don’t become confident and then take the risk.

You take the risk and discover you can trust yourself with your own life.

That’s how you become exactly who you already suspected you could be.

Some people seem to have all the luck. While others struggle to fill their classes, make friends, or attract better potential love interests.

Magnetism really isn’t magic… although it can feel that way… But what I mean is, it’s really not a mystery. It’s COHERENCE.

When what you want, what you believe, how you behave, and the energy you bring into the room all start telling the same story, people can feel it.

Enthusiasm is persuasive. It sucks people in.

And congruence builds confidence. First in you. Then everyone who comes in contact with you.

Whether you’re attracting more money, better s*x, a soulmate, new clients, or a bigger fu***ng life, stop obsessing over how to become more desirable!!!

Get wildly interested in your own life.

Coherence is hot baby. 🥵🥵

When you learn to live from a place of RADICAL AUTONOMY, everything becomes not only more simple, but also a hell of a lot easier and more fun.

It’s ok if others have their opinions. That’s their right. It just lets you know what they feel would make sense for them.

Your life task is to figure out what works for YOU. And then do it without need for validation. Cool thing is, you’ll still get plenty of it, just from those who are aligned with what you got going on.

But remember, if it’s right for you, it should bring you peace and joy which should be what you want for others too. So release them from the need to please you as well. 🙃

Part 2 of conversation from yesterday… (check out previous video if you haven’t already)

There IS such a thing as too much internal locus of control.

Not everything is about you. Not every choice someone makes is yours to decode, fix, prevent, or personalize.

When you make yourself responsible for everyone else’s behavior, you abandon the one existential task that actually belongs to you:

YOUR OWN LIFE.

Know what’s yours. Know what isn’t. Keep your side of the street interesting.

You don’t need a better mood, perfect timing, someone’s approval, or the world to cooperate.

Internal locus of control: your life moves because YOU decide to move.

The Stoics knew it. Control what’s yours. Release what isn’t. Act anyway.

And if you still need a reason?

Memento mori. You’re going to die. Go live.

The office is open. Bring your contradictions.

The part of you that desperately wants to be liked, and the part of you that would rather be free than approved of…

The part of you that desperately wants to belong and fit in, and the part of you dying to tell society to f**k off…

The part of you that knows you’re capable of more and is deaperate to prove to yourself that you can, and the part of you terrified of standing out from the crowd and being s**t on…

The part of you that wants to earn more money, and the part of you that feels guilty if others don’t…

The part of you that desperately craves a soulmate, relationship, and the part of you that is so over the dating apps and being disappointed…

The part of you that would love to be a kinky slut, and the part of you that just wants to be held and savored…

The part of you that no longer gets down with organized religion, and the part of you that still can’t help but feel as though there is something greater than you out there connecting us all…

I’ve learned the forbidden questions are usually the right ones. And I’m here for them all.

I make a living out of existential rebellion, and whenever you’re ready, I’ll help you write your own prescription for life.

A day in the life of an existential therapist. Life. Death. S*x. Money. Power. You know… the light stuff. 😏

Isn’t it weird when the people who claim they love you the most are often the ones who can’t be happy for your happiness?

It’s a common phenomenon and there are multiple possibilities as to why it happens.

Sometimes, people have just gotten used to the way things used to be… they were comfortable, even if things were not always so healthy because it was familiar.

And now here you go upsetting the proverbial apple cart with your healthier lifestyle and healing.

Can take some getting used to. But that’s not your problem. That’s for them to figure out.

Other times, it’s a more subconscious defense mechanism because your happiness triggers their feelings of lack. And for whatever myriad of reasons, they’re not quite ready to give themselves the possibility to have the same.

Don’t take it personally. Even if they wish you would, lol.

Keep your eyes on your own goals. Chase your own horizon.

Life is too short to wait for other people to get on board.

**kwitable