Tamara Driskell, LMHC

Shout out to all the caregivers in children's lives (including those outside the home) modeling and helping facilitate healthy communication and exploration of ideas so that when the time comes for them to talk about s*xuality with their partners, they're able to do so.

As a spicy therapist who's worked with thousands of couples at this point, I cannot tell you how often people don't even know what they don't know...

and then have to try and find language for it...

and then have to feel safe enough to try and share it which requires a certain level of confidence in themselves as well as trust in their partner.

And that's if we're talking about vanilla s*x. Now add in kink or non-monogamy or anything else? And that's a tall order for most, sadly.

So if you're the kind of human who lets little humans practice expressing their feels or curiosities, *high fives*!

One of the s*xiest (and most loving) things you can do as a partner is to never quit studying them.

We’re always evolving… bodies, taste profiles, curiosities, comfortabilities…

Someone who not only flows with that but actively encourages it? Top tier baby!

What does radical autonomy look like in relationships?

Like freedom.

The freedom to be ourselves. To share what we enjoy. To ask for what we want.

To have conversations that truly move the needle, that make us more than we were before, but never less then.

To know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that our communion is chosen.

❤️🌊❤️

(quote on graphic by Conscious Soul)

The existentialist in me just cried a little and then became even more feral after reading:

"On your last day on earth, the person you became meets the person you could've become."

.. f**k letting any fears of embarrassment or being misunderstood or upsetting others keeping you from that evolution, that enjoyment, that experience your soul came here for!

The question usually isn't, "What do I want?"

It's, "What happens if I give myself what I want?"... Will others be upset with me? Hurt by it? Will I lose their support? Be kicked out of the tribe? Cancelled?

To which I'd say, it's normal to be concerned about that. We're social creatures and it shows moral character that you're wanting all parties involved to be ok.

HOWEVER, until you learn to make it safe, for you and by you, to move through the world as you, you will struggle.

I would invite you to first remember that anytime anyone opens their mouth (including your therapist 😝), they are telling on themselves. They are telling you what works for them or what they've been told should work.

This is what we call DOGMA - living with the results of other people's thinking.

You don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater necessarily, but it would behoove you to remind yourself of this while you weigh out their opinion against your own intuition.

And each time you learn something to be true for you, you savor the s**t out of it.

You allow your subconscious and nervous system to catch up a bit. To make a new habit out of trusting yourself and enjoying the fruits of your own labor.

Remember, dear one, you are the author, the editor, and the main character in your life story. Keep others' opinions where they belong... as guides, jesters, peanut gallery sitters, or even villains if need be.

Somewhere in my mid-30’s (I’m about to be 47), I decided I simply f**king REFUSED to go into the next decade without:

peace

passion

transcendence

I didn’t know how it was going to happen or if those who were in my life were willing to come along for the ride, but I knew my soul was unwilling to accept anything less.

What’s now fascinating to me looking back is how most my relationships actually deepened past the initial shake up of my commitment to what I call radical autonomy.

100000/10 recommend! Only thing I’d change is, not surprisingly, having started sooner. 😝

Listen, we all have 4 sacred questions to answer in this life: Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? And who is coming with me?

Most of us don't even know we should be figuring those out until midlife, so if you get a head start, that's awesome! Use it!

But if, like me, you find yourself in a bit of an existential crisis now, I gotchu. You're not too late. Time's gonna keep ticking whether you do something about it or not, so why not start now?

Btw, I have a free ebook that might help kick things off for you. Check it out in the comments.

The antidote to a fear of death or a lack of genuine connection is to get in the ring, my friend!

You are the only one with the map to your soul. The blueprint to your own personal fulfillment.

You can look to others for possible suggestions, or wisdom as to what went wrong for them, but make sure you keep it as an experiment to try rather than dogma to follow.

This life is what you make of it.

Is there darkness? Absolutely. But you help by doing what is yours to do. Find that space.

And if you could use help, an existential therapist like myself is amazing for this type of work. Hit me up if you resonate.

(quote attributed to Carl Jung, but is likely a modern paraphrasing)

In these very conflicted times, a lot of my sessions as a therapist have been about how to handle them; how to deal with others whose viewpoints violently clash with yours.

To which, I'm reminded of this quote:

"Once you label me, you negate me." (often attributed to Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard)

Be careful, dear one, that your ability to see past subgroupings isn't diminished by the divisive nature of politics and social media. The stronger your core values, the stronger your ability to remain unreactive.

Think about it - if you're someone who trusts themselves, is emotionally intelligent, and knows how to regulate your nervous system when intense stimuli comes your way - you can remain both compassionately curious and steadfast in your position.

Labels like liberal/ conservative/ MAGA/ ANTIFA (or anything else) are quick categories for our brains and useful to an extent... however, if they cause us to overlook the human behind them, we've lost the point.

People are not changed by vehemence. They're moved by genuine moments of connection.

Yes, stand up for what you believe in, but please do not lose your capacity to see beyond the labels.