Dayna Ciarfalia, The Conscious Healing Mama

Absolutely love this series by Annaliese Erin Parent Coach. So helpful for anyone trying to show up in a more regulated, healthy way for their kids 🤍

#respectfulparenting #gentleparenting #raisingkids

Every single word.

You, too?

This parenting consciously when you were parented very unconsciously thing is anything but simple.

It requires us to learn SO many new skills and ways of being that feel downright uncomfortable and oh so unfamiliar.

I had to learn from scratch the same ways you are. It takes time, practice, intention, and a whooooole boatload of patience for yourself (and your kids) while you’re learning.

One of the most helpful ways to begin improving the relationship we have with our kids and thus, the behaviors we see from them, is to shift how we speak to them. The words we say, the tones we use, the facial expressions and body language that shows up (mostly unconsciously).

We often end up communicating in the ways we’ve always known or in the same ways we were spoken to as kids. And this is a recipe for creating dynamics in your home that you don’t want.

I created a FREE PDF download that includes 25 Conscious, Respectful Parenting Scripts for Tricky Moments (5 scripts each for 5 common topics).

Want to grab it?

Click the link in the comments and it’s yours!

All of this! Grateful to help support parents in providing this deep level of connection as a coach ❤️

This mindset shift is a game changer 🙌🏻❤️

This this this!

You cannot expect your kids to be anything that you are not, first.

Intentional and thoughtful modeling is your most powerful teaching tool, friends. Your kids are always watching you, listening to you, and absorbing how you interact with and respond to them and others around you.

This doesn’t mean that they’re going to end up being just like you - no. They’re still their own person with unique traits and characteristics. But when it comes to how to treat others, respect others, and show up for others — they learn that from you.

I also want to note that with kids — just because you are kind, gentle, compassionate, and respectful to them doesn’t automatically mean they’re going to be the same with you (and that’s okay).

That’s not because they’re little monsters with no heart — it’s because they’re tiny humans with massively growing brains learning these relational skills for the first time. They will need A LOT of guidance and repetition with this stuff before these skills and ways of being fully develop.

Repeated experiences of you showing up for and with them the ways you want them to do for others is the best way for them to learn.

You’ve got this ❤️

Regardless of the word(s) you use to describe your parenting, if you keep the relationship you have with your kids at the center of every interaction, you will not go wrong ❤️

Would love to hear what you would add to this thread.

I parent _______ so that _______. 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏿‍♀️

And if you’re trying SO hard to parent gently, respectfully, consciously but find yourself getting frustrated, defeated, and exhausted by it all - that makes sense. You make sense. AND what you need isn’t more scripts or rules to follow. What you may need are likely some mindset shifts, breaking of your own unconscious patterns, and reparenting yourself. I am here to help you with all of it ❤️

No matter how much work you’ve done, books you’ve read, strategies you’ve practiced, therapy you’ve gone to, there will still be times that you lose it.

Losing it is expected. It’s a part of life as a human with complex experiences, realities, and perceptions.

And when you inevitably do, that’s where repair comes in.

Repair could sound like:

“I yelled at you earlier, and I’m so sorry. How did that make you feel? I was feeling angry and didn’t notice it in my body before I could stop my yell. That’s not your fault. I’m working on not yelling by ____.”

Or

“I grabbed your arm hard earlier, and I shouldn’t have done that. It’s never okay for me or anyone else to hurt your body like that. Next time I feel myself getting mad, I will walk away to calm myself. I’m sorry. What can I do to help you feel safe with me again?”

Ultimately, the words don’t matter much. What does matter is you showing up authentically to remedy the hurt you may have caused. When you do this, you help your kids better understand why something like that happened. So, instead of internalizing and making up a story about what happened & why, they hear it from you and can healthily integrate the experience.

Anyone else besides me still lose it sometimes? 🤪

Also — if you’re finding yourself losing it a lot more than usual and aren’t sure why…prioritize some quiet time (even five minutes) to reflect and look within. The answers are always there. This is a part of what I help my clients with 🥰

For those of you handling the tantrums and meltdowns on a daily basis, I want you to remember this.

For every one of them that you support your child through, you’re helping to slowly shape their emotional resiliency for life. And that, my friend, is the most important work you’ll ever do.

You CAN handle this.

And…If your kiddos’ big feelings are too much for you to handle (it feels too overwhelming and every ounce of you wants to make it stop or just get away) and you don’t know what to do or how to respond or what to say, I see you. I was you. And you absolutely can learn how to weather these storms with them.

I’m curious - how were your big feelings responded to when you were a child?