The Mangler

Mr McKee, the biker girl you sold the truck to is famous and named Marky! Also, do you know when you can pay for the last month of being your head of social media? It's Caitlyn, Hi!

Hey! Ho! Let's Go to Marky Ramone's Meatball Truck Marky Ramone’s Cruisin’ Kitchen hit the streets about two weeks ago, and the owner, a former East Villager, plans to feed the neighborhood’s late-night hordes.

BCC: FACEBOOK FRIENDS: It is with a heavy heart that I must announce, on this day otherwise reserved for the giving of thanks, the surrender and closure of The Mangler, Ardmore's No. 1 Scrapple Sandwich Food Truck. To explain, here's an excerpt from the article on Huffington Post this morning:

"Maybe it was always too good to last," said proprietor Wh**ey McKee. "People round here just can't stand to see someone make it. Sunken eyes, smoke-dried faces, and a dead-end street. Your papers slagged us off, the neighborhood strays tore up our trash, and the voters of Delaware County made me accidentally set fire to my own truck. So, I'm throwin in the towel.
But you know what? For one moment, I stood up and did something. I looked that old mutt called life in the eyes and knocked the bone out of its mouth. I dared to have a dream, like those guys in The Commitments or Ghostbusters. And that, to me, is the biggest success of all, even if we never sold a single sandwich."

McKee, 66, first attempted to open his food truck in August of this year, before suffering a string of setbacks, including yesterday's "unexplainable dis-assembly" which authorities claim was perpetrated by McKee, himself, while intoxicated.
The former Public Access personality, known for his 2011 cooking show, "Eat It, You Won't!," also remains a suspect in the arson fire that destroyed his truck earlier this month.

ALL: The Mangler must postpone grand opening this evening, again. The truck was inadvertently dismantled in part by staff and most of the foodstuffs destroyed by dogs and staff. Poundsign Mangler.

Why are the tires and fender off the Mangler, Mr McKee? And how come they're on your lawn next to the battery, the fan-belt, the transmission, the grease-traps, the deep-fryer, the head-lamps, the cutting boards, and the hutch I made for the kaiser rolls? Is this bad? 's Caitlyn

Mr McKee, I've edited the portion of the interview you did with Delco Times before the reporter walked out. Tell me if you want me to post this on facebook. :

DELCO TIMES: So what makes a former astronaut want to open up a food truck?
WH**EY MCKEE: Well, I haven't astronauted in a very long time, but I've always found that food is timeless--of course, the Health Code inspectors take a different view. I guess the IDEA of food is timeless, even though certain foods, themselves, are meant to be eaten before they've spoiled. In astronaut tests, we always had special food that could withstand the rigors of space travel.
DT: And do you find that's something you incorporate into your cooking?
WH**EY: Absolutely not. No corporations, no big business, no Washington insiders. The Mangler is 100% regular people food for regular people. You don't have to wipe your ass with a doiley to enjoy my cooking.
DT: Yes, that's the slogan you've chosen to paint on your food truck, I see. But, I wonder, that aside, what's the name all about?
WH**EY: It's not a racist thing. I've had white hair since I was in grade school, I think. But at least I've GOT hair. My son, half my age, bald. So, you tell me, "Wh**ey" or "Baldey," which would you want to be? And don't answer like you're yourself. Answer like you're ... you know, a bit more.. well, younger and better looking.
DT: I was actually referring to the name of the truck: The Mangler. It's certainly a unique name for a food truck, no?
WH**EY: 'Tis unique, so. But then, all the names are unique these days, aren't they. Whereas you used to have your friends or your relatives and it'd be Sean, Denis, Patrick, Kevin, Hutch and so forth. But these days you see these kids and it's Brace or Golem or Fork or Crayla and so forth. So, The Mangler reflects that. It was also my nickname when I used to play for Notre Dame.
DT: Oh, yes, that was in your bio as well, just before your time as an astronaut, but after you served as... "Expert Scientist," was it?
WH**EY: That's right, for --
DT: For the Smithsonian?
WH**EY: It's a museum. The biggest... It's got a whale and a rocket ship, and I reckon they're about the same size.
DT: I have to say, our readers would probably be shocked to hear some of the other achievements here in your bio. For instance, you're probably Delaware County's only food truck vendor to represent the United States at the Olympic Games, let alone serve as a Navy Seal, instrumental in the capture of Osama Bin Laden.
WH**EY: Some of that I'm not at liberty to talk about. But I'm a trained killer and a natural lover, is what the ladies say.
DT: Do they?
WH**EY: Well, not that I kill them, obviously. I mean, I wouldn't. Shall we talk more about my food truck. Do you know we've recently launched a Facebook which is doing very well. I've outsourced my social media, much in the spirit of other Philadelphia companies, like Little Baby's Ice Cream, which of course has child labor from China, or probably somewhere even worse. They make them tweet for pennies a day. It's awful really.
DT: That's a rather severe accusation--
WH**EY: Is it? I mean we ALL think China's a bit... I mean, "China?"
DT: I was referring to allegations of Little Baby's using--
WH**EY: Oh yes, it's awful the way they use Walmart workers without paying them, and children from China as well. If you want ethical food, you want to come visit The Mangler. Also, we're very local and organic suss... sustili... sustillic--
DT: Are you trying to say "sustainable?"
WH**EY: That's it. Sorry. I trademark these terms and then, who can keep them all straight, between the truck being so busy and my charity work and what have you.
DT: And has business been as robust as you were hoping?
WH**EY: More so.
DT: And when did you actually celebrate your grand opening?
WH**EY: Haven't yet. I like to keep people guessing. Like a thief in the night. And that's from the Bible.

Mr McKee, I'm supposed to go to my Gran's for Thanksgiving tomorrow, but do you need me to be Director of Social Media at tomorrow night's event? My Dad doesn't want me working the deep-fryers but he said I could do marketing in the Rusty Nail if I had an adult with me. Let me know. It's Caitlyn with a Y btw

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