When we talk about teachings surrounding s*xual sin, we also need to consider the people sitting quietly in our congregations carrying experiences they never chose.
For abuse survivors, messages that place overwhelming emphasis on s*xual transgression can become tangled with trauma. Even when they know they weren’t responsible, many still wrestle with shame, worthiness, or the fear that they’re permanently damaged.
I don’t believe that was ever God’s intent.
In Episode 431, we explore how one interpretation of Alma 39 became deeply embedded in LDS culture and why understanding scripture in its historical context matters. When we read the text more carefully, we can begin separating the gospel of Jesus Christ from cultural messages that may have increased the burden on those who were already hurting.
Our doctrine should lead people toward healing, hope, and Christ, not deeper shame.
Listen to Episode 431 of the S*x for Saints Podcast to learn more about where this shame may have came from. Comment “431” and I’ll send you the link, or search for The S*x for Saints Podcast on Youtube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.
Amanda Louder Coaching
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I coach conservative Christians how to overcome obstacles and create a more intimate marriage.
07/28/2026
What if the biggest barrier to intimacy is not desire, but shame?
Many people expect marriage to erase years of fear, guilt, or negative beliefs about their bodies and desires. But your nervous system cannot instantly switch from "this is dangerous" to "this is safe" simply because your relationship status changed.
Shame often changes the way people experience intimacy by causing them to:
Disconnect from their own desires
Focus on performance instead of connection
Feel anxious about being seen or known
Avoid vulnerability to protect themselves from judgment
Believe they are disappointing their spouse
None of these reactions mean someone is broken. They are often adaptive responses to messages that taught them their desires, bodies, or curiosity were something to fear or control.
Healing is not about forcing yourself to ignore those reactions. It is about understanding where they came from, questioning whether they are still true, and creating experiences of safety, honesty, and acceptance that allow your mind and body to learn something new.
When shame loses its influence, intimacy becomes less about proving your worth and more about sharing yourself with someone who already sees your value.
What messages from your past might still be shaping the way you experience closeness today?
07/27/2026
What if Alma 39 has been teaching us something different all along?
For many people, Alma 39 has been reduced to one phrase: "the sin next to murder." But when a single statement becomes the focus, we can miss the broader message Alma was trying to teach his son.
In Episode 431, I explore the historical and scriptural context surrounding this chapter and invite listeners to ask a simple question: What was Alma actually concerned about?
Corianton's story isn't just about breaking a commandment. Alma repeatedly points to the impact Corianton's choices had on other people and on his ministry. His actions undermined his credibility and influenced those who had been watching his example.
When we slow down and read the entire chapter, we see themes like:
Stewardship and responsibility
The influence of our example
Genuine repentance
Returning to God with humility
The hope of redemption
Looking at scripture in context doesn't weaken its authority. It helps us better understand the author's intent and keeps us from building beliefs on isolated verses rather than the whole message.
This conversation also reminds us that cultural interpretations can become so familiar that we begin treating them as if they were the only possible reading. Studying history and context helps us distinguish between the scriptural text and the traditions that developed around it.
If you've only ever heard Alma 39 summarized in one sentence, I hope you'll explore the chapter for yourself. Then listen to Episode 431 of the S*x for Saints Podcast as we examine the historical context, the development of this interpretation, and why understanding the full story can transform the way we read scripture.
Comment “431” and I'll send you the link, or search for The S*x for Saints Podcast on Youtube, Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
07/26/2026
What if constantly monitoring your desires was never the goal?
Many faithful people were taught that spiritual maturity meant continually evaluating their thoughts, desires, and temptations. Over time, that mindset became so familiar that it was easy to mistake vigilance for discipleship.
In Episode 431, I explore how one interpretation of Alma 39 became deeply rooted in LDS culture and how it influenced the way generations understood s*xual sin. We also look at the historical context surrounding Corianton's story and ask whether the scriptures have sometimes been asked to carry more than they were intended to.
Understanding where our beliefs come from isn't about dismissing scripture. It's about reading it carefully, honoring its context, and allowing it to speak for itself
If you've ever wondered why fear, shame, or constant self-monitoring became such a significant part of your spiritual experience, this episode offers historical context that may help those pieces make more sense.
Save this post for later, share it with someone who would appreciate this perspective, and listen to Episode 431 of the S*x for Saints Podcast. Comment “431” and I'll send you the link, or search for The S*x for Saints Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts.
07/25/2026
If you've done everything you believe God asked of you, why does shame still feel so real?
Many people assume lingering shame means they have not truly repented. But shame and repentance are not the same process. Repentance is about turning toward God. Shame is often about the identity conclusions your mind made along the way.
Those conclusions can sound like:
"I am damaged."
"I am less worthy."
"I have to earn love now."
"My desires make me unsafe."
These beliefs often develop through years of repeated messages, cultural assumptions, and emotionally significant experiences. Even after a person sincerely repents, those neural pathways and identity stories may remain unless they are intentionally examined.
This is one reason education matters so much. Healing is not only about changing behavior. It is also about replacing false beliefs with truth. If God has already extended forgiveness, continuing to define yourself by your past is not humility. It is often evidence that shame is still shaping your identity.
Real healing happens when your beliefs begin to align with grace instead of fear, and with your inherent worth instead of your worst mistake.
What belief about yourself might be worth reexamining in light of the forgiveness you already believe God has offered?
What if rejection feels like a verdict instead of just a moment?
For many men, a wife’s response isn’t just interpreted as acceptance or disappointment. It can quietly become evidence of whether they’re enough. That’s not because they’re weak. It’s because many boys grew up connecting their worth to performance, approval, and getting it right.
When identity depends on validation, it’s easy to believe:
“If she wants me, I’m enough.”
“If she doesn’t, I must be failing.”
“Her response says something about my value.”
That’s an impossible weight for any marriage to carry. A spouse can offer love, reassurance, and support, but they were never meant to become the source of another person’s identity.
In Episode 430, I explore how Bennett’s and Silas’s stories reveal the different ways these beliefs can develop and why they often persist long after marriage begins. Healing starts when we stop asking our spouse to answer the question, “Am I enough?” and begin building an identity that isn’t dependent on another person’s response.
Comment “430” for the link to the episode.
More s*x isn’t usually the solution.
One of the biggest misconceptions I see is the belief that if a couple simply has more intimate experiences, everything else will fall into place. But if the real struggle is shame, fear, or tying your worth to performance, increasing frequency won’t address what’s happening underneath.
Many men quietly carry questions like:
Am I enough?
Am I measuring up?
What does this say about me?
Will I ever feel like I’ve finally succeeded?
Those aren’t relationship problems. They’re identity questions. And no spouse, no amount of reassurance, and no increase in intimacy can permanently answer them.
In Episode 430, I explore how Bennett’s and Silas’s stories reveal that many men carry inherited beliefs into marriage that have very little to do with their spouse and everything to do with how they learned to see themselves. When worth becomes something you feel you have to earn, every moment of connection can start to feel like another evaluation instead of an opportunity to simply be known.
Healing doesn’t come from trying harder. It begins by understanding the stories you’ve been carrying for years and learning that your value was never meant to depend on your performance. Listen to Episode 430 to learn why changing behavior is only one part of the journey, and why lasting change starts with identity. Comment “430” for the link.
What if po*******hy isn’t the problem you’re trying to solve, but the symptom pointing to a deeper one?
Many conversations focus on stopping the behavior. Episode 430 invites us to ask something deeper: What is this behavior helping them cope with?
For many men, po*******hy isn’t simply about desire. It can become a way of managing:
Shame
Loneliness
Anxiety
Stress
Emotional disconnection
Understanding that doesn’t minimize accountability or the impact on a marriage. It simply recognizes that lasting change rarely happens when we only address the symptom.
In this episode, I explore how years of religious and cultural messaging shaped many men’s relationship with themselves, and why shame often reinforces the very patterns people are trying to overcome. When we become curious about the underlying need instead of only condemning the behavior, we create more opportunities for genuine healing.
Episode 430 dives deeper into why compassion, accountability, and understanding work together far better than shame ever could. Comment “430” for the link to the episode.
07/19/2026
What happens when your identity depends on someone else's response?
One of the biggest themes in Episode 430 is that many boys didn't just learn rules. They learned to connect their worth with how well they performed, how well they controlled themselves, and whether they felt accepted.
Over time, those beliefs can quietly become questions like:
Am I enough?
Am I succeeding?
Am I failing?
What does this say about me?
Marriage was never meant to answer those questions. No spouse can carry the weight of providing someone else's identity, and no amount of reassurance can permanently quiet a belief that was formed years earlier.
That's why healing isn't simply about changing behaviors. It's about rebuilding the foundation beneath them. When a man's identity is no longer tied to performance or validation, he no longer needs his marriage to prove his worth. Instead, he can show up with greater honesty, security, and emotional presence.
In Episode 430, I explore how Bennett and Silas each navigated these inherited beliefs and why lasting change begins by understanding the stories we've carried for years. Comment “430” for the link.
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