Tim the Girl

Happy Mother’s Day to all you amazing people. It’s such a thankless job really but I would not change it for anything else. For those of you struggling, know you are not alone. Community is everything and we need to stick together. So much love to you all.

Lately I’ve been having a hard time coming back to myself. I’ve been on Vancouver island over a year now and trying to land. It’s been hard because the move was so quick that getting the proverbial rug back under my feet proved difficult. We also never imagined that it would take this long for my husband to be able to move here to be with us and we still don’t know for sure.

I think I always think things will be easier than they are because I’ve done so many hard things. And then when they are harder than I think I get thrown off balance. Perhaps it’s impatience. Ya, maybe. I struggle with the liminal spaces and don’t take easily to the in between. I’m in a recovery of sorts. From workaholism, busy-body-ism, control-outcome-ism, figure-it-all-out-now-ism….and many more. I’m doing some new things and letting others go by. It’s not easy.

100% of the time, when I’m off balance, nature is the cure. Especially new places. This is the hike to Jocelyn Hill in Gowlland Park. 30 min from my house. Absolute magic. Love to all and may there be peace in your hearts. Find your nature.

*Image of one of my community pop ups. It seemed appropriate. Meaning is in the message. Repost in solidarity. A word worth spreading.

I passed a man on the street today. Slumped against a wall, nodding off, bent way down as happens from years of drug use. Someone’s child, father, son, brother, best friend.
My heart constricted and my throat closed with grief, like it does every time. I have people close to me who have been on and off the streets and lived and died the life of an addict. The pain is layered, crushing, and complicated, but I do not turn away.
This time, something shifted.
“That’s their time out from the pain they cannot tolerate alone”
And I thought about all the time outs we use. All the ways we excuse ourselves from the unbearable weight of being fully alive:
Drugs. Alcohol. Frivolous shopping. Botox and filler. Dietary restriction: controlling what we take in when everything else feels out of control. Guru chasing. Binge-watching. The scroll that sucks an hour of your life. Overworking. Obsessive fitness. Spiritual bypassing: using practice to float above the pain instead of through it. Over-caretaking everyone around you so you never have to sit with yourself. Outrage & righteousness. Wealth hoarding. Authoritarianism: trading the terror of complexity for the cold comfort of control.
I do or have done many of these. I want to be clear about that.
The difference between the person on the wall and the rest of us isn’t virtue or good choices. It’s legality. It’s aesthetics. It’s class. It’s race. It’s which forms of disappearing our society monetizes, and which ones it criminalizes.
We built a world that is heartbreakingly hard to feel. And we sorted people by how palatably they cope.
We need community, empathy, and honest conversation. Harm reduction and basic human rights for those who cannot manage alone. This is complex, multigenerational work. Let’s pursue more humane solutions — together.

I recently went to visit my last homeland, Texas. San Antonio, Wimberley, Austin, Bastrop, Marfa, Fort Davis, Balmorhea….a real greatest hits kinda trip: of people, places, community, conversations, skies, waters, gatherings, husbands (only one!), feelings, tacos, animals, nature and all the rest.

I also got to spend a week with Wild & Tappen. Wild’s mom, Gabrielle was my best friend who passed away years ago when he was three years old. Watching them together, like brothers, like they have been together for years, made my heart complete, like chutney on a grilled cheese sandwich, but even better. It was a lot for me to not actually explode into a million stars.

I was really surprised at how incredibly homesick I was for Texas. And how much I struggle with the duality of loving multiple places for different reasons and that moving onto new things doesn’t diminish the old things. I miss my community like mad and I will always have a big piece of Texas in my heart. Bigger than Texas itself.

So many Canadian friends have such (rational) fear of the USA. And I get it, I do, BUT the day to day life is just a lot of amazing fun loving smart fierce beautiful people bonding together to fight the good fight and doing what they can to resist the mind blowing fever dream crazy corruption happening. It’s full of people CARING.

So much love to you all. May all beings be free from suffering and may you grow your capacity to see the truth and not hide from it.

An old friend sent me this today. Apt timing since I’ve been working on my internal family systems tools for some years now but especially lately. Discerning the adaptations and projections that were placed upon me at such a young age…placed upon all of us….by parents, community, society, the patriarchy, gender norms, colonialism….all of it. No blame or judgement….just noticing. I could go on and on but I like to keep things simple and if you know, you know. This time of unbecoming has lead me to this little girl who had her whole life ahead of her and I truly can’t remember what she thought about, what her hopes and dreams and fears were. But she shaped me and I am determined to protect her and let her show up again. Have some tea parties and enjoy life. As we all should. ♥️

Some of my all time favorite Italy photos. I’ll be kissing y’all soon my friends. My first full Canadian winter and, although I live in the warmest part of Canada, it definitely ain’t Texas or the Mediterranean. Tomorrow I’m off to Texas to cook for a fancy dinner I do yearly with an all female start studded cast of chefs in Austin at my girl ‘s amazing farm. I am beyond excited to see everyone and be for real warm. I really never thought I’d say it but I miss the Texas heat. The spring heat, not summer. ☺️ Then to Europe in May with my Siamese twin, Charli. She’s a pretty great companion. Came across these and thought, who doesn’t need a little joy in their lives, even if it’s just images for a moment. ♥️

So we can’t get this news from the USA here in Canada but Ed does such a great job in these interviews. So proud of everyone who worked so hard for this documentary to happen. This is for all of us. For love, justice, understanding and not giving up.

Just a few beautiful things I ran into today. May we celebrate women each and every day. May we celebrate all humans always. May we also celebrate the earth and all it creates. ♥️