Azimah Azmi

Do you feel bad or guilty for voicing your Truth?

Stepping into personal power involves communicating difficult truths that may contrast what people are used to from you.

What often comes up is a sense of guilt for doing so.

Guilt that says - “Doing this is bad,” or “I shouldn’t be doing/saying/thinking/wanting this.”

When this happens I am presented with two choices:

1. Hold back my truth and stay small, putting others’ comfort and happiness before my own OR

2. Stay rooted in what is true for ME and therefore remaining authentic to myself no matter the outcome.

If I am truly committed to breakthroughs for myself, I have to be willing to go where I have never been. Especially in how I relate to others.

Even if it means ruffling up some feathers, and saying No when they’re used to my Yes.

People in my life, and even parts of me, who have been benefiting from my smallness, are likely going to feel it the most - they may even protest it.

Threatening to leave, cut me out, or even tell me I’m in danger.

Listen, my smallness ENABLED actions and behaviors in myself AND others that were unsupportive of me and the process of my growth and expansion.

The danger in staying small is never blooming or blossoming. Never coming to full term and never experiencing the depths of freedom in authenticity. Never knowing serenity in living in my own skin. Always waiting, but never becoming.

My bigness, however, as scary as it may be initially, becomes a gift.

When I am so rooted in my authentic truth and essence, come what may, come chaos and raging storms, I am always the one that remains when the dust settles and mist clears.

It is a gift that invites others into their own bigness too.

Ponder.

I love you ❤️

📸: .photography

My relationships thrive when I make my well-being a priority instead of the relationship.

When I loosen my grip - the grip that tells me I NEED to keep them safe, close, present, always available, I create SPACE.

Space for inspiration, longing, desire, yearning, excitement, heart-centered PRESENCE.

Seems counter-intuitive especially in romantic relationships, I know.

There’s always risk involved, the what-ifs:

(What if he finds someone “better”? What if he gets hurt, doesn’t have XYZ? What if he needs ABC and I’m not there?)

Though my fears are valid, taking into account past stories and my earliest examples of relationships I’ve seen, it’s important to discern my interpretations versus facts.

If my interpretations point to an unresolved emotional wound from the past, it’s on me to see it through, it’s nobody else’s responsibility, not even him.

That’s where tending to my well-being and sitting with what comes up is IMPORTANT.

This is where I get clear about what I need, and how to get the support to tend to those needs from myself or my community.

He doesn’t get to be my savior. I become that for myself and thus silence the “what ifs”.

When my partner feels me loosen my grip around him, I experience him relaxed and at ease around me, instead of feeling like he’s stepping on eggshells in order to keep me happy.

When he picks up that I got me, he doesn’t need to operate out of “what if”s either (what, you think it’s just you? Haha, girl 😏) and I experience freedom in my own flow as well.

Ladies 👏🏽 we’re done with abandoning ourselves in 2023, even if it came from the purest intentions from love.

We get to pour into ourselves FIRST, and loosen our grips on our relationships so that there may be room for the both of you to grow into yourselves.

Anyway, marinate on that!

Also…

I have a couple of spots open for my 1-on-1 12 week coaching intensive, DEEPER, for the first quarter of the year. DM me and we can chat about it.

Love you.

Real self awareness is rarely a walk in the park

Unless the park is filled with monsters and demons and dragons hiding behind pretty flowers and shrubs, threatening to swallow you, or chew you up and spit you out til you barely remember your name.

And it’s not even about fighting them.

It’s letting them in. Don’t play, or tease them. Let them devour you whole.

Before learning to become nurturing, I had to face the monster within that was abusive, cruel, and downright selfish - to myself, and the people I claim to love.

Before I learnt to soften, I had to face the stone cold demons, hardened by decades of unprocessed negative imprints, the ones that built thick walls around my heart so nobody could enter, not even me.

Before I learnt ecstatic bliss, I had to face the rage-filled dragon fueled by hatred and resentment, spitting fire on everything she touched, burning bridges and setting possibilities ablaze until there were only ashes.

Before I could meet my inner Queen, I had to face the scared, angry, grief-stricken wounded banshee, wailing and scratching at me, so mad that I had abandoned her when I decided that she wasn’t enough.

Instead of Doing more, it’s about Being more.

Instead of looking outside, I searched within.

I was not going to find it anywhere other than in the privacy of my own heart,

even if it meant feeling the wrath of Hell looking at the consequences of how I really showed up that was a stark contrast to this Queen image I wanted to live up to.

That’s where the real work begins.

I couldn’t take others where I’ve never been before.

I had to dig, excavate buried bones of my past, and even further still.

I had to descend into the dark

So I could come back as light.

Again

and again

and again.

The reward is a knowing that can’t be given through books of spending thousands on seminars, retreats, or courses.

It becomes wisdom etched in every cell of your body.

It becomes power that gives you the grace to create from a place of humility and deep reverence for yourself and other people cus you see you in them too.

I invite you to get DEEPER.

I love you.

—

PS: I have 2 spots open for 12 weeks of 1-on-1 coaching. DM me❤️

Somehow this year I’ve fallen into this role of guiding women in navigating the relationships in their lives - romantic, friendships, family, colleagues, clients, and beyond.

It often starts with their relationship to themselves, through their emotions via getting to know the sensations that come up in the body. Getting curious about experiences of pain, tension, dis-ease, dysfunction, etc. asking - what is this telling me?

I believe that the relationships in our lives have the capacity to mirror what’s going on within ourselves.

When I see where I’m so hard and rigid with myself, it becomes clearer where I do so with others.

When I see harsh judgements and criticisms about myself, I can see where I create disempowering judgements towards others too.

When I see where I get to be compassionate with myself in navigating losses, failures, and grief, I get to take that same energy towards others and honor them there.

Questions I ask myself and invite people to ponder are:

How can I support my partner/friend/family member/client/colleague without manipulating outcomes to the ones I desire (fixing)?

How can I create space for nurture for him/her/them, without “mothering” so they may learn to find their own way?

How can I empower and nourish others reminding them what they’re capable of, without making them wrong or bad for where they are now?

So much positive growth in my relationships this year for myself and my clients this year have started out with these questions. I hope this gives you some guidance too.

I have 2 spaces open for my 1-on-1 12 week coaching intensive, DEEPER, that takes you into this work with me. DM me.

I love you.

📸: .photography

Security in a romantic relationship has little to do with the one you have a relationship with

It has more to do with your relationship with yourself.

I haven’t met a single woman who hasn’t struggled with insecurity that gets heightened especially within a committed relationship.

When this has shown up for me and I don’t address it, I end up creating even more distance and insecurity within the relationship by

a) going dark around my partner then seeking my need for security elsewhere, like in temporary chemically induced highs through mind altering substances or even other people, work and exercise, or

b) becoming this overbearing monster - needy, demanding, controlling, or avoidant with the intent of manipulating outcomes for the sake of MY security.

Here I pay a heavy price - abandoning my deepest desire to be truly seen and held by my partner, only to settle for less. Saying to myself “it is the way it is,” or “im doomed to live like this forever.”

On the flip side, I can also get curious about my inherently human need for security.

What do I desire in order to feel secure?

How can I create this without manipulating others/myself?

What am I telling myself that supports the idea that I can’t feel secure?

How can I rewrite these stories into empowering ones instead?

I ground myself to what it is I truly need and desire, and muster the courage to communicate that to my partner - flaws and all. Not for him to fix it, but to just see and hear me for where I’m at.

I know, there’s a price to pay here too - vulnerability (actually allowing myself to be seen when it feels like I’m a hot mess), uncertainty (that I don’t know how he’d react), and ownership (that I get to take responsibility for my experience of security and rid him of that role, that he can’t do it for me).

If I am committed to stepping into the highest version of myself, abandoning myself can no longer be an option. Period.

Its a practice, and consistent self-inquiry as things come up withIN the relationship, not withOUT. But I promise it gets better the more you do.

Just like gradual incremental progressions in exercise, the same principle applies here too.

I love you.

If I could sum up the kind of energy I’ve been putting into this year it would be this.

I wrote it on my chalkboard this morning as I shook off some fear from being GIVEN an opportunity to rest and turn my attention inwards. Haha. This human body is funny.

But for real, when I notice resistance within me I ask -

How often do I let my circumstances decide what I was going to do?

When unchecked, I admit I let circumstances such as - time, money, my emotions, my personal history, where I come from, my diagnoses, the trauma that I’ve experienced, not knowing all the answers, etc, get in the way of what I truly want.

But if I give myself the space to pause and reflect, I get to recall and acknowledge the times in my life where I’ve defied odds to make sh*t happen.

If that could happen then, why not now?

Time and time again, I learn that the only thing in the way of what I want is usually me, and the stories I tell myself.

Where am I still making my circumstances bigger than my vision for myself?

If I know intellectually that I am more than my circumstances, where am I giving my personal power, sovereignty, and autonomy, away?

Although it’s important to feel my feelings, it is also important that they do not consume me. It’s important to acknowledge my history, and even my ancestors’, but it is also equally important for me to take charge of what I create in the world.

I choose to stand empowered, inspired, authentic, powerful, and free from disempowering stories that held me hostage.

And I get to make that choice every day.

This is a reminder that you get to do that too.

Stop pretending you’re not the CREATOR/CREATRIX of your own reality.

I love you.

When I challenge the women I work with to create pleasurable, joyful, experiences for themselves, it often comes with guilt.

Guilt because it feels like they SHOULD be tending to the needs of everyone else before their own.

Guilt because they feel like they need to be the healer or peacemaker or hero for the entire family.

Guilt because in order to be true to themselves, they risk disappointing others or no longer the sole person who meets their needs.

But it doesn’t stop there.

The guilt builds and feels so uncomfortable that it drives them back to self-sacrifice - where they recognize that they’re putting themselves last, but believe that others “need them more”. A kind of self-abandon that feels better than the guilt of disappointing those they love.

Initially, at least.

Over time this just creates even more discomfort. Dis-ease. Dis-function. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Chances are you personally know people in your life like this.

Ah, the pains of being a woman.

Ah, it’s normal. It is what it is.

Ah??

No, ma. You can change this. The pains of the women before you need not be your current reality.

Obviously there are the sacred obligations to care for and feed any young children you have in your lives, or if you work in healthcare, your patients.

But notice where you override your own needs that it becomes habitually detrimental for your wellbeing.

We have basic human needs for friendship, laughter, and companionship separate from our partners, families, and children. It’s okay to seek it for yourself.

I love you.

—
PS. If you’re seeking support in these areas, I got you. DM me.

I need to clear the air on this part -

A s*xually repressed culture cannot be healed simply by taking off it’s clothes.

There’s a lot more to healing from s*xual wounds of the past than just putting on this costume of a naked Goddess dancing around a fire.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love the experience of freedom I get from loving my nakedness, but if I stopped there I’d be cutting my healing short by A LOT.

Sure, I get celebrated for it on this side of the world but I’d be lying to myself to say there isn’t a deeper calling for personal responsibility and ruthless self honesty.

Standing in personal responsibility for really healing from s*xual wounds I had to rest in the discomfort of looking at hard truths about my s*xuality and choice of s*xual partners.

As painful as it might be to shine a light on these things, I had to dig deep if I really wanted to be free.

Why was I betraying myself and body’s needs by settling for quick fixes or highs through s*x, or even withholding/withdrawing my presence in s*x?

Where was I avoiding communicating my desires or needs out of fear of rejection or abandonment?

How was I creating disconnection or imbalance in my life by using s*x for physical, emotional, or financial security?

What was the perceived benefit of s*xually acting out in irresponsible ways which are harmful in the long run?

This isn’t to beat myself up but to take an objective look at where I was creating dysfunction in my s*xual nature. When I brought these unconscious patterns to the light, it became impossible to ignore.

Awareness creates choice.

Soon my arousal templates begun to shift. My addiction towards “toxic” ways of being faded away, or was miraculously removed.

I could finally rest easy within a committed partnership without lying, cheating, or hiding myself - some sh*t I never saw growing up. It’s wild.

And it’s possible for you too.

The only requirement is a willingness to dismantle everything you thought you knew about yourself and your s*xuality.

I walked this path in hopes of walking with you too.

I love you.

—

P.S. I have 3 spots open for a 12 week coaching experience, DEEPER, where we get into this and more. DM me.

Sis this has been on my heart for a while so I just wanna talk about it.

Many women are on a path to healing themselves and their relationships to s*x, pleasure, intimacy, and other people, and this comes with a side of awareness to actions and behaviors they’re no longer willing to settle for.

That feels really good.

It’s not wrong to want to “attract” a man embodying “Divine masculine” qualities.

But what sometimes happens, is a mirage of the ideal partner who embodies all the qualities they desire, suddenly appear, and then they are quick to abandon themselves all over again.

Before attracting the “Divine masculine” in a partner, I invite you to practice BEING that for yourself. Without this sense of rootedness, protect-her-isms within yourself, it may be easy to be swayed by disguises.

Some ideas:

Speak of, create, support, celebrate yourself the way you want your ideal lover to.

Become 100% responsible for yourself, that is the willingness to be the generator of what you do, what you have, and what you are. Give yourself that grace, an empowered context that leaves you with a say on how you want to live your life.

Discipline yourself in systems and routines that create a solid structure for the feminine within you to play and express herself. You get to tell your emotions that they’re not in control when things get challenging on your path so you keep moving forward, no matter the circumstance.

Stop apologizing for asking for support, or asking for what you want. If you don’t ask the answer is ALWAYS no.

Put energy into service for causes and community that speak to your soul. The Divine masculine is a warrior for things beyond himself. I dunno why I thought of Brave Heart but yea, your inner William Wallace.

This is where you w**d out the tricksters- when your entire body knows what it feels like to be deeply held, supported, and protected, because you got you first.

I love you.

A year ago I had a dream that set in motion a vision for my life.

I was sat in front of my maternal grandmother who sat beside my aunt, while I sat beside my Mama. Nenek (grandma) asked me why I’ve chosen to move so far away - away from family. She asked what family, community meant to me. She asked if I’ve forgotten my roots.

Mama sank deeper into her seat, voiceless, as if bracing herself for the impact of my words. I said I needed to get away to create something new - for me, for us, our community. I get to create what it all looks like free from constraints of what we’ve always known.

This angered my aunt and the next thing I saw was Mama getting beaten with a bamboo stick- as if she was being punished for my “transgressions”. So I stormed in screaming STOP, I grabbed the bamboo stick and broke it over my right knee and it shattered into multiple pieces. I tossed that sh*t out the window. Held my Mama and showered her with my love and protection.

And then I woke up. Sobbing. As if decades of guilt from stepping away from what I was told was “normal” melted out of me. It was a Divine reminder that the path I’ve chosen to take is rooted in something way bigger than me.

Since then I’ve taken bigger strides and leaps into the free, authentic, powerful vision for myself and my life, not letting circumstances or the cards I’ve been dealt with in this lifetime be the reason it can’t happen.

I created offerings and experiences that feel like a F**K YES in my body and attracted even more F**K YES clients and community into my life.

I played more, explored and experimented rooted in intention. I fu**ed around and got a clearer picture of my self worth. I reclaimed my name, my light.

I loved more expansively. I kept my heart open through the joys and even more in the pains. I’ve lost a few, and stayed loving through and through.

I sought pleasure even in the mundane. As my heart opened my body opened to receive or****ic bliss in literally EVERYTHING I did. I saw how that created a ripple effect to the people around me doing the same.

I am so full.

Of love. Light. Possibilities.

Thank you for leading me here. I’m so grateful to be alive.

I love you.

Another person’s opinion or response towards me is not a measure of my self-worth.

Read that again.

Sure, it may trigger the sh*t out of me, but the emotions that arise in response to what another person says or does, is mine and mine alone - to acknowledge, process, and then ultimately, let tf go. I don’t need negative emotions lingering in my body temple - like they are welcome but they cannot overstay, you know?

Saying another person or institution is responsible for making me feel better is ridiculous if I want to stand in a place of ownership of my life and how I view myself. Whether it’s my partner, parents, siblings, or communities I’m a part of.

I say it’s ridiculous because saying that someone or something HAS to do XYZ in order for me to feel good or empowered is like saying they have all the power over me in my feeling good and empowered.

Dafuq. People are gonna be people, some qualities I find nasty in another may just be hardwired behavior that has nothing to do with me. It’s usually my PERCEPTION and the STORIES I tell myself about a response that usually trips me up.

What if I could experience high levels of self worth and respect, no matter what someone does or says towards me?

What if nothing that I’m discontent with ever changes, will I continue to base my experience of self-worth/respect on that?

What are the stories I tell myself when someone shows up in ways that I don’t like? Does this story serve me?

Through this process I get to acknowledge the emotion, process it in the way I need to, and then I gain a better understanding of myself so that I can serve others from a place of knowing, not reaction.

That is ownership and accountability, that is the highest form of SELF LOVE.

Listen, the holidays are here and I know for a fact that family and close friendships may trigger deep emotions when certain topics come up. It is perfectly normal.

My invitation to you is to get curious with the emotions that arise when they do - they usually have something to say. Listen.

I love you.

P.S. Coaching spots have opened up where I guide you in navigating your emotional body, DM me.

📸: .photography

When the voice in your head whispers “you don’t deserve that” or “you shouldn’t do that”, the root voice of shame is calling for your attention.

For me, after a lifetime of negative perceptions of myself, negative feedback was easy to take in. I was an expert at saying sh*tty things to myself, so much that I could cackle at verbal abuse, come up with something witty to say because I’m miles ahead at beating myself up 10x worse.

I thought I was a hard mf. I was really hiding my true essence who was soft, and sensitive AF.

What was scarier for me was the possibility of truly being loved for all of me - the good, the bad, the ugly. This was uncharted territory for me, terrifying, yet also everything I wanted.

Yea I’ll admit that toxic behavior and emotional weaponry used to be my comfort zone. This impenetrable armor, although it kept my heart safe, it also held love hostage.

All the love I could give, and most of all receive.

I would decide that I wasn’t going to be fully loved and held, so I showed up in ways that would create chaos. Call it self-sabotage, but in a way I was manifesting exactly what I wanted to support the voice of shame that I believed in.

Kinda kinky if you ask me. Haha. Anyway.

This awareness gave me a choice to reorient my actions and behaviors in alignment with what I wanted to create in my life. No matter how scary.

It was apparent that creating chaos in my relationships were no longer serving me as the belief of being unworthy of mind-blowing, heart-open-to-God love expired.

More was possible, and it was up to me to walk that unpaved path.

Let me guide you there too. DM me.

I love you.