Intelligent Emotions: Mastering the Language of Feelings

In her book, Radical Candor, Kim Scott outlines the four types of relationships defined by the balance or imbalance of self and others. While three of the four types fall into imbalanced dynamics, creating and retaining strong, healthy connections lie in the balanced type of radical candor.

Kim Scott illustrates the four relationship types in an XY grid, where the X-axis represents care or regard for the self, and the Y-axis represents care or regard for others.

When relationships have an imbalance of care for yourself or others, it can create relationships with conflict, resentment, shame, and inauthenticity.

Learning which quadrants on the graph your relationships fall into can help you pinpoint areas to work on in order to achieve a balanced relationship that actively creates enough space for BOTH yourself and others.

Learn more about the four types of relationships and how to reach balance with radical candor here:

Link in bio > Blogs > "Radical Candor: Balancing Regard for Self and Others"

https://www.intelligentemotions.com/blog/reaching-radical-candor-relationships

Time for a check-in! With a notebook handy, take 10 minutes connecting with yourself (ESPECIALLY your body if you tend to be stuck in your heart or head).

Ask yourself these questions (and write them down with a timestamp!):

💙 What's my body highlighting about how I'm doing now?
- What am I feeling?
- What am I needing?
- How can I take steps to meet those needs?

🧡 What are some good things that happened since the beginning of the year? Some hard things?

💚 In the next three months, where would I like to be in one of these areas? What is one step I want to take this week to nurture that area?

- physical
- emotional
- mental/intellectual
- relational
- environmental
- financial
- professional
- personal/spiritual/existential

What's coming up for you? Do share! The more others know about our intentions, the better we can follow through with our next steps ❤️

Say hi to my new stuffie friend, Soli! 🐈‍⬛ I got her a few weeks back, just because!

Much of what I help Helpers & HSPs with is to reconnect with & nourish our inner kiddos who had to grow up WAY too fast, to be all responsible and s**t (ironically often because the grownups in their childhood were not acting like it).

Sometimes tending to our inner littles looks like:
🍿 playing hooky to go watch a movie
📖 checking out children’s storybooks in the library
🛼 busting out those old roller skates that had been collecting dust

…whatever makes you COME ALIVE; things you want to do JUST BECAUSE. 💖

A F**k-it List is different from a Bucket List in that the latter is listing things you think you “should” do to make your life seem meaningful, whereas the former can often include things that are smaller in scale and are much more readily doable.

What is on your F**k-it List lately, and how can you make room for it this week?

More about that here:

https://www.intelligentemotions.com/blog/f**k-it-list

A fun summit coming up specifically for my dear empathic & sensitive folks and anyone who is well familiar with people pleasing! 💕

The People Pleasing Summit is coming from May 20-June 2, 14 whole days with 30+ badass speakers helping YOU rediscover yourself in all the beautiful ways 🌿

Had a conversation with Cora Rennie, fellow Highly Sensitive Person about my favoritest topic: how we play favorites with feelings (and how that bites us in the ass!!)

Sign up in the link in stories - you don’t wanna miss it!!

https://series.craniowithcora.ca/joanne

STILLNESS is a particular discipline of not doing. It’s the act of not packing in your schedule with all these things that need to happen. Sometimes we don't really need to do those things, but you know, especially in environments where busyness is taken as a badge of honor, it's really important to counter that culture by deliberately putting in time where you're purposefully doing nothing, or dare I say purposefully being anti or counterproductive.

Now, I have workaholic tendencies, so this is really personally difficult for me because I have a lot of anxiety that comes up when I'm still. That's probably indicating that I need to be still more often because again, numbness kicks in to drown out certain, really important emotions that really require our attention.

So, take a bird's-eye view on your schedule and ask yourself,

🔺 "Is this too full?"

🔺 "Is this too busy?"

🔺 "Am I constantly driving from one thing to the next?"

🔺 "Do I seem like a chicken with his head cut off?"

Well, it might help to deliberately schedule time for you to do nothing.

Monitor your level of activity and busyness. Try not to stuff your schedule with all these activities where your body could use a lot of rest. It's not going to get a lot of rest until your body gets sick. Rest on purpose and your body won't force you to.

Learn three other ways to use the emotion numb to recenter:

Link in bio > Blogs > "Feeling Emotionally NUMB: The Emotion of Recentering"

https://www.intelligentemotions.com/blog/feeling-emotionally-numb

Ever have BIG Feelings that totally TAKE OVER, ruining important moments or derailing your goals because they show up at the

⏰ WRONG TIME,

🏢 WRONG PLACE, or

🌋WRONG WAYS?

Add this FREE PDF guide in your back pocket so that you can easily:

🧶 Untangle jumbled feelings

🕰️ Buy yourself time

⚖️ Keep your balance

🔴🔵⚫️ Work with the 3 BIG feelings of MAD, SAD, SCARED

Super easy - grab it in the link in bio!

www.intelligentemotions.com/firstaidkit

Tag your favorite people here! ❤️ Who's been on your journey to rediscover and love yourself again?

The Enneagram describes our reactive autopilot patterns of thinking, feeling, or doing.

Each type has their go-to emotional habits that keep us entrenched in painful personal, relational, and professional experiences.

You can't change what you don't know is already happening. Do a deeper dive into your own patterns so that you can expand your horizons in life, love, and work!

Grab your copy of this book (written by a fellow CP Enneagram Academy alum + Emotional Intelligence coach + Enneagram teacher .allender)!

https://amzn.to/46Vzq0y

The issue with fear is that there are three different kinds of future projections that we make that people tend to mix up. And when we get these mixed up, we don't always respond in a way that's actually helpful.

Usually what happens when there's that mix-up is that people fall into the FEAR SPIRAL where it kind of escalates and then people shut down. This is also known as "analysis paralysis."

Alternatively, there's a way that we perceive ourselves to be LESS than capable than we ACTUALLY ARE, and that is also known as the "Impostor Syndrome."

The main thing to know is that these future projections have very specific, concrete action items for us to do so that we can deal with our actual situation versus the way that we make it up in our minds.

The three future projections are:
🔹 Possibility

🔸 Probability

🔺 Certainty

Learn how to assess your fear so you know what to do in response here:

Link in bio > Blogs > "SCARED: The Emotion of Sizing Up"

https://www.intelligentemotions.com/blog/feeling-scared-emotion-fear-explained

Fear is meant to help us project into the future and consider what might happen so that we can SIZE UP to see whether or not we're able to rise to the challenges ahead.

This emotion is meant to prompt us to see which is BIGGER:

😰 Are the challenges bigger?

💪 Are my abilities or the resources and support I have bigger?

And so, fear as an emotion can actually provide for us a chance to cultivate wisdom. This is wisdom that tells us:

🚙 When to go

🛑 When to stop

⛽️ And when to go get gas

The main questions for you to consider are, right now:

🎒 Do I have all that I need to rise to the challenge ahead and to take that whole thing down?

🍱 And if I don't have all that I need, what do I need to do right now to go get the thing that I need so I can then go rise to the challenge?

Learn about how to assess your fear here:

Link in bio > Blogs > "Feeling SCARED: Fear as the Emotion of Sizing Up"

https://www.intelligentemotions.com/blog/feeling-scared-emotion-fear-explained

GLAD is one of the BIG FIVE EMOTIONS. (MAD, SAD, GLAD, SCARED, and NUMB).

Four of the other emotions are negative emotions. They basically mean that you HAVE a legitimate NEED that’s not being met.

If you think of these needs as tanks, these tanks are running low or are empty. The main thing with negative emotions is that you need to FILL those tanks. You need to go find out what those needs are and to meet them directly.

Don't push away the negative emotions. Learn from them and FILL the need.

Of those BIG 5 Emotions, GLAD is the only positive one, and positive emotions basically mean that those tanks are being filled or are already full to the brim, whereas the negative emotions are signaling, "Hey, I need attention in this particular area, go meet that need!"

Learn more about the emotion glad here:

Link in bio > Blogs > "Feeling GLAD: The Emotion of VALIDATION"

https://www.intelligentemotions.com/blog/feeling-glad-big-emotions-explained