Woven Hearts Parent Child Connection

Giveaway ✨✨✨✨

Win a free spot to the nourish retreat!

What is nourish? A mini retreat to connect with yourself in an intimate space through four specially designed workshops.
✨Mindful movement to experience the power of the mind-body connection.
✨Guided meditation to reawaken your inner wisdom
✨Womb yoga to honor the rhythm of our cyclical nature
✨Sound Journey for relaxation and ease

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Giveaway ends September 12th at 12:00pm (PT). Winner will be announced at 4:00pm (PT) on September 12th.

Open to local Tucson residents or those able to travel to Tucson for retreat.

✨Want to know more about nourish? Click the link in my bio

••• I am not a perfect mother •••

Api and I have been reading a lot of books about feelings. We look at different faces in the books and identify what words or feelings describe them the best.

One day Api pulled on my computer charger and broke it. I was so frustrated because my computer was relatively new, and also it was the end of the day and I was feeling very tired. I reacted to the incident by grunting and using my loud voice saying “Ahhhh!!!! Api!!!!! Whyyyyyy??!!!! This is mama’s important thing, please leave it alone! ” I don’t use my loud voice often so I could see it in her face that she was startled.

That night Api and I were in bed reading our favorite feelings book. She pointed at a picture of an angry face and said “mama”, then pointed at a picture of a sad face and said “Api cared (scared, she can’t pronounce her S yet)”.
I knew instantly that she was talking about what had happened that day. She was communicating to me how she felt in that moment when I used my loud voice. I felt ashamed that I did in fact lose my temper for a moment, and also felt grateful that she was able to communicate her feelings to me. It was a humbling moment.
I looked into her eyes and said “ I’m sorry I used my loud voice, I know that it was scary for Api. Mama was feeling frustrated. It is ok to feel frustrated and I shouldn’t have yelled. I am sorry”. She didn’t say anything, paused for a moment and hugged me.

I am not a perfect mother, I am a human mother. I am not right all the time. I don’t have the answers to everything. I know that I will make many mistakes while I walk this journey of parenting.

I also know I don’t have to fear the mistakes because the mistakes are also opportunities for connection. When we take ownership for our own mistakes and take the time to fix it, it deepens our relationship. I’m grateful when I am given the opportunity to do that.
I am here as a mother to cultivate a safe space for both Api and I to freely express our feelings, so we can understand, support and love each other.

Api, Thank you for your forgiveness. I love you.

•••

"This too shall pass"
is one of the best advice I got when I started my parenting journey.

A growth of a child hppens so fast that I am constantly asked to embrace change. Dancing and flowing with "what it is" instead of "what it was" or "what it can be"

In moments of: doubt, worry, guilt, overwhelmed, lost, helpless and when things are just simply hard...
I remind myself that it doesn't last forever, and I can get through this.
Then I take a deep breath.

In moments of: joy, gratitude, deep connection, confident, and warm love.
I remind myself to take it all in, and appreciate those precious moments because time will move through those moments as well.
Then I take a deep breath.

I remind myself that...
I am always on the path that aligns with my growth and purpose.
I am always right where I meant to be.

•••

••• Celebrate your child's effort and process instead of result •••

- Ask them about what they did and how they feel about it.
- Use open ended questions to build conversation.
- Witness their process.
- Vocalize your feelings and appreciation.

You are enough.
With or without achieving the goal you set for yourself.

You are worthy.
Whatever the result may be.

I see you.

••• Wisdom of sharing •••

Api is going through a phase where she is exploring the concepts of, “I, me, and mine”. When her friends come over, I often find her grabbing a toy and saying, “mine!”

One day my wise sisters said something that shifted my perspective, a new thought — Sometimes it is okay not to share.

For example, imagine you are sitting at a park bench about to eat a sandwich and someone comes to you and asks you to share. You may not want to and that is okay. Teaching how to share is also about teaching how to have healthy boundaries for yourself.

My friends also gave me a tool: before your child has friends over, ask if they want to put away any special toys that they don’t want to share and only keep out the toys they are willing to share. This way they get to choose what to share and they also get to maintain their boundaries.

I also decided to use the word “taking turns” more often rather than the word sharing. Taking turns” communicates that both people get to have the “thing”, they just have to wait for their turns. The word “sharing” (with toddler) is sometimes used to suggest that they have to hand over what they have to the other person.

It was a great reminder that if I don’t feel good about sharing my time, belongings, resources and energy, that I don’t have to and that is okay. It reminded me that my likeability and worth does not come from my ability to give and that it is just as important to create healthy boundaries for myself. As I accepted Api’s authenticity, I also accepted my own, and there was no need to compromise it just to fit in or be “nice”.

I was so humbled by this piece of knowledge and grateful for a conscious community. Now when Api doesn’t want to share her toy, instead of trying to convince her that “sharing is caring,” I choose to say, “I’m sorry, this is Api’s favorite toy and she doesn’t want to share right now. Would you like to play with this toy instead?” or "You can play with it when Api is done, do you want to play with this one while we wait?".

•••

••• Boundaries & Autonomy •••

Recently I have been actively showing Api how to create boundaries and have sole ownership of her body. I ask her for consent before kissing and hugging her. I teach her to ask for consent before trying to hold hands with another child. We are practicing paying attention to their facial expressions and body language before asking. She is only two years old so it is not always successful but I do believe it is important to learn how to hold healthy boundaries, and practice autonomy.

One day we came home from the park and we both went to the bathroom to wash our hands. She climbed on top of the toilet and was using her tippy toes to reach the sink. I got her some soap and she rubbed her hands together. When I used my hands to bring her hands closer to the running water, she used her strong voice and said “NO! This my hands! Api do it!” She wanted to wash her own hands, and she didn’t want me to just grab her hands without asking.

I was stunned. I was so proud and inspired by her ability to advocate for herself. It was a great reminder for me to ask for permission to touch her body before jumping in to help her.

Thank you Api, for showing me how it is done. Seeing you in your power, I am empowered.

•••

My child is my mirror.
I see my reflection in her eyes.

When she learns, I learn.
When she grows, I grow.
and through this process.
I heal.

•••

••• Gentle Reminder •••

Today I choose to celebrate my child by saying yes.

I celebrate her toddlerhood, and all that she is.

and so it is.

•••

••• Yes! •••

As Api is learning to use more words to communicate her needs and wants, she has discovered her new favorite word, “No!”

This has been particularly challenging for me because she will say ‘no’ to everything!

I knew she was saying this partially because she heard it quite often from me and my partner. We use to say things such as, “No, we can’t eat ice cream because we just brushed our teeth.” Or, “No, we can’t go to the park right now because it is night time and we want to get ready for bed,” and “No, you can’t climb on the table because it is not for climbing.”

Then I realized maybe I just need to say ‘yes’ because, monkey see, monkey do, right? So I started to eliminate as much ‘no’ as I could, I started to replace it with a creative ‘yes!’.

“Yes, we can eat ice cream tomorrow when the sun comes up. Maybe we can even bring it in the backyard and watch the birds while we eat. Does that sound fun? Let’s get ready for bed today so we can get ready for our ice cream day tomorrow.”
‘
“Yes, we can go to the park tomorrow! We can put your little baby Luna (her baby doll) in the stroller and you can push her while we walk to the park. What do you want to do at the park?”

“Climbing is so much fun. Yes, let’s climb. Instead of the table, you can climb on my back like a monkey and I can carry you around the house. Do you want some bananas for a snack, my little monkey?”

Since I have started this, I notice her wanting to cooperate with me a lot more because she is not hearing me say ‘no’ to her all the time. I also noticed she uses the word ‘yes’ just as often as ‘no’. After introducing the creative ‘yes’, it makes it easier for me to honor her ‘no’

I am grateful for moments like this, when things work out a bit easier than the day before. I know there will always be trial and error. And, everyday is a new day, we are always learning and always growing.

•••

Curiosity can look like:

My child is expressing their emotions…

I wonder, what are you needing right now?

I wonder, how are you feeling right now?

I wonder, what can I do to support you right now?

I am triggered by this…

I wonder, what am I needing right now?

I wonder, how am I feeling right now?

I wonder, what can I do to support “me” right now?

•••