Rewrite Your Marriage

I want to ask about... vision. What does marriage mean to you?

I read this little story (below) and loved it. I'm learning to recognize my part of the problems in my own marriage, and I know I'll discover even more about myself in the future. But I hadn't planned on marrying as a self-improvement plan. I was simply in love with a fantastic woman.

So again, why did you marry? How would I persuade my own children to marry? Why are you married? What do you want, what do you hope for?

Story from another post:

This is marriage
“I stood in my bedroom doing my makeup when I heard my parents across the hall in the bathroom. My father was groaning in immense pain and luckily my mother was there to help him. I was a self-absorbed twenty-something at the time—bouncing back and forth between two men like a rubber ball. But this moment between my parents struck me.
My father moaned. “It’s okay, Chris,” my mother said to him. “I’m here.”
That was the start of my father’s painful side effects from his prostate cancer years prior—something that would only get worse with time.
As I leaned toward the mirror, slipping mascara onto my lashes, I heard more grumbling from my father. I froze. I was stuck in their moment with no place to go. I heard a clank in the bathroom. A mess was made out of my father’s control. My mother would be the one to clean it up. “I’m so sorry,” my dad said.
“It’s okay, Chris,” my mom said. “I’m here.”
After I was done with my makeup, I sat on my bed with the door cracked open. While I was nervous about my dad’s health, tears fell onto my jeans because I finally realized something—THIS is marriage.
Marriage isn’t found at the big wedding, the trendy date nights, or even hours spent together on the couch watching Netflix. Marriage is found in the darkness—with one spouse helping the other during a time that would be humiliating to share with anyone else.
As young girls and boys, we watch movies and read stories about happy endings, blissful beginnings, and comedic in-betweens. But true romance is found when two people need each other, are vulnerable with one another, and can wholeheartedly depend on one another during the darkest times in life.
I sat on my bed, and at that moment, I decided to stop bouncing. I wanted my future to look like my parents’—imperfect but beautiful. My parents’ marriage and my marriage have been full of dips and peaks, but witnessing the true love in their moment will forever keep reminding me that marriage is found in the toughest spots in life—even the bathroom.”
Credit: Angela Anagnost-Repke, Writer

Everyone in the Uintah Basin! Loralee North and I are leading the Rewrite Your Marriage in-person class Mondays in October!

"Strong marriages do not happen just because we are members of the Church. They require constant, intentional work. The doctrine of eternal families must inspire us to dedicate our best efforts to saving and enriching our marriages and families. I admire and applaud those who have preserved and nourished these critical, eternal relationships." —Dieter F. Uchtdorf

New class beginning September 23!

Marriage is the shelter, not the storm. Bruce and Loralee share their story from dating, wedding, & honeymoon to kids, work, and frustration through understanding, reconciliation, and lifelong love.

We are opening a new class at the Innovation Hub in Vernal, Utah. Watch for more info!

If you want to be forgiven for being human, you ought to be forgiving other people for being human.

—Loralee North

Monday night's Marriage & Cookies: Loralee North was brilliant and we had a great discussion with the audience!

If I want a happy marriage, I will choose to accept—even cherish—the love my spouse offers me. Receiving a gift is as important as giving one.

I thought this after reading a Jennifer Finlayson-Fife quote today: "It's not our job to make our spouse 'feel' loved. Our job is to love our spouse." True, Dr. J.

But do I LET my spouse love ME?

New Classes! Rewrite Your Marriage at 8:00 pm on Mondays starting April 1, Tuesdays starting April 9, or Thursdays starting May 2.

"You can't 'fall out of love,' because love is something you decide. Agency plays a fundamental role in our relationships... [W]e must make the conscious decision that we will love our spouse and family with all our heart, soul, and mind; that we will build, not 'fall into,' strong, loving marriages and families."
--Elder Lynn G. Robbins

Michele Weiner-Davis is one of the best therapists out there. She wrote a short reaction to research critical of Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages:

"If you haven’t heard about the hot-off-the-press study by Emily Impett et al. that debunks the basic principles upon which Gary Chapman's wildly popular book The Five Love Languages is based, believe me, you will...

"First, the beauty of The Five Love Languages is that it teaches couples that everyone feels loved differently. What touches one person’s heart has no meaning at all to another. And the problem is, people don’t know this. People tend to show love in the way they like to receive it and are then surprised when their efforts aren’t appreciated...

"Research suggests that people in long-term, happy marriages are no more similar than those who divorce. But the one thing that is different in couples who love each other and stay together is that they learn how to deal with their differences!"

—Michele Weiner-Davis

Debunking "The Five Love Languages"? When science misses the mark.

Question from a Christian marriage group: "How should a wife show respect to her husband?"

My response: There are many good answers to the question of how it looks for a wife to show respect for her husband.

An equally important question is, "What does it look like for a loving husband to graciously receive his wife's respect?"

"If I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
"Love never fails."
[1 Corinthians 13:2, 4-8, NLT]
❤

We published our fifth episode today: Dating Saves Marriages! AAAAAANNNNNDDD, we just got listed on Apple Podcasts today! WOOO HOOO!
Listen to this episode and learn more from a report from the Wheatley Institute and the National Marriage Project about "The Ultimate Marriage Hack": DATING!

Rewrite Your Marriage Bruce and Loralee North tell how they discover happiness in marriage. Listen to their frank discussions, plus some interviews with marriage experts!

We posted a new episode this weekend! Who are we, what is Rewrite Your Marriage, and why do we do it?

Rewrite Your Marriage Bruce and Loralee North tell how they discover happiness in marriage. Listen to their frank discussions, plus some interviews with marriage experts!]]>