01/02/2026
Most “mindset problems” aren’t mindset problems at all.
They’re predictable patterns that kick in under pressure.
One of the most common is all-or-nothing thinking—the habit of turning one misstep into total failure. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has documented it for decades.
And yet, knowing the name rarely stops the spiral.
Why?
Because the thought is only the surface.
The real action is happening in the body: tight chest, shame response, energy drop, long before you can “think better.”
In my latest Substack post, I look at why reframing alone often backfires, how this pattern actually operates, and what helps interrupt it without force or self-blame.
This isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about staying connected when the old loop tries to pull you out.
Read the full post here: https://spaolini.substack.com/p/why-just-think-better-doesnt-work
12/22/2025
Last week I wrote about questions to ask when you're looking for a therapist - questions that actually tell you if you're a good fit, beyond credentials and specialties.
The most important question I posed was: How do you define change?
Most therapists will give you theory. But if you want to know whether someone truly understands how change happens, you need to hear about their lived experience. Not what they learned in graduate school, but what they've tested against reality.
In this week's article, I answer that question myself. I share what 20+ years with debilitating panic disorder taught me about change, the Tibetan mind training practice that saved my life when everything else failed, and why the panic was never actually the problem.
If you're curious about a radically different approach to change - read the whole piece on my Substack :https://spaolini.substack.com/p/what-change-seems-to-be-from-someone
12/15/2025
Looking for a therapist? Here's what most people get wrong.
You check credentials. You read bios. You see who takes your insurance.
And then you start working together, and months later, nothing's really shifting.
You're not sure why. Maybe you blame yourself. Maybe you think therapy just doesn't work for you.
But here's the real issue: You didn't know what questions to ask.
After more than 20 years as a therapist, I can tell you that the usual questions won't help you find the right fit.
So I wrote an article with 7 questions that will:
Help you evaluate depth, not just credentials
Reveal whether a therapist has done their own work
Show you if they understand how change actually happens.
Help you spot red flags before you waste months in the wrong fit
Give you clarity on whether your current therapist is right for you
These aren't the comfortable questions. They're not about logistics.
But they'll help you find someone who can actually help you change.
Use them in your consultation calls.
Use them to interview potential therapists.
Use them if something feels off in your current therapy.
Read the full article: https://spaolini.substack.com/p/questions-no-one-asks-their-therapist Questions No One Asks Their Therapist—But Should
Don't settle for credentials and hoping it works out.
Ask the questions that actually matter.
