The Daily Doula

I’ve been absolutely abysmal at posting for way too long - but didn’t want you to miss out on this one. Come join me and The Parent Collective] for our October baby group. It’s fuuuuun!
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Posted • The Parent Collective] You sure you got this under control, Ma? ⁣
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Of course you do! But, it never hurts to collect and connect with other parents going through the same thing. Facilitated by postpartum expert and lactation consultant, Margot Simmons of , our October New Parent Online Support Group starts October 13th at 10am. ⁣
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Book in 4 week increments, you will get the opportunity to talk with Margot and the group about whatever you need to discuss, including: ⁣
👶🏼 Sleep & routines⁣
👶🏼 Newborn feeding (no matter the method!) ⁣
👶🏼 Childcare & returning to work ⁣
👶🏼 Your new normal ⁣
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And, all of your questions!

Rainy Friday nights demand a little humor. Kudos and full credit to and for nailing this one on the head. Another example of “it’s funny because it’s true!”
# all the way.

I think sometimes we’re all quick to forget that babies and adults are similar! But, a major difference is that babies lack the ability to communicate their needs clearly. So…drum roll please…they cry! But crying isn’t always a disaster. Sometimes it’s just their telling us that they can’t get their own drink or meditate to calm themselves down and they want our help.

Tada! Parenting in a nutshell! Trying to figure out what our children need so we can support them developing their own language and tools to achieve it independently (one day…so I hear 😜).

It takes time. And patience. Lots of patience. But, if you want to play a fun game one day - see if you can start to notice different cries for different needs. Because - it does turn out that babies have a universal language. spent years decoding it. Comment below if you’ve learned your baby’s language! 👇🏻👇🏻

Just felt like this was a message that needed to get put into the Insta-verse today. It came up in our baby group yesterday and we had such a real, raw and rich conversation about it.

For my breast/chest/pump feeding parents out there who are grappling with whether they should keep doing this at all costs: you are a good mother no matter how you feed your baby. You are a good mother because you take care of your baby. You nurture her in ways no one else can that DOES NOT include how you feed her. You bond with him in ways no one else can that DOES NOT include feeding breastmilk.

Motherhood and parenthood is SO MUCH more than how we feed our babies and whether they get this antibody or that.

Please don’t get me wrong - breastfeeding can be magical and wonderful and amazing for parents and babies alike. And if it’s working for you in your family - you keep doing it and doing it for however long you can.

BUT…

If it’s crushing you…or if you feel like you can’t…or if you just don’t want to…or if you’re too busy pumping to enjoy your baby…or if you’re going back to work…or whatever YOUR reason is…it’s good enough. You are not selfish. You are not letting anyone down…least of all, your baby.

Your worth as a parent is NOT determined by how you feed your baby. You are good enough. You are badass. You are a MOTHER.

🤣😂😂 nailing the Friday funny.

Tell me in the comments... which housewife does your babe usually look like when they're tired?!

• Sleepy Cues 💤
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Some of these can be REALLY subtle and easy to miss- like Vicki, a little spaced out look might not seem like much, but gaze aversion can be the best way to tell that your baby is getting ready for a nap. Once you're really paying attention and even try logging a few days of cues, it gets easier to spot them in your baby is showing you before it's too late! When your baby is getting overly tired, they'll show more obvious and extreme signs like inconsolable crying, fussing, hyperactivity, arching their back, etc.
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I like to encourage sleepy cues rather than strict wake windows because every baby is so unique. Check out my "sleepy cues" highlight to see real babies in action!

Been getting some questions lately on pacifiers. First let me say - I’m not for or against them. I think you quickly find out how your baby feels about them. I had one who never took one, one who used it day and night until she was 3.5, and one who uses it for night only. Same family - all different.

If you do use one and want to stop - I say yank it cold turkey if before 18 months. Otherwise, it definitely will be more about the child’s readiness, not yours.

If you missed that early window - no sweat. When was the last time you saw a college freshman using a pacifier? Exactly...perspective. 🥰

• The easiest time to wean the pacifier is around 6 or 7 months of age. You can reduce pacifier use from many times a day to nothing, in less than a week.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Family Physicians recommend limiting or stopping pacifier use around 6 months to avoid an increased risk of ear infections, especially if your child is prone to them. But, there is no hard and fast rule. Pacifiers can be very helpful in relieving stress, in situations like starting daycare or traveling to a new place.

After 9 months, though, children develop an emotional attachment to their binky. That doesn't mean you should rush your little one to give it up—just be prepared for more protests after this age and difficulty in getting rid of the pacifier. -Dr. Harvey Karp

Love a good crowd source. When thinking ahead - or in the middle of the storm - here’s a handy list of ways people in your life can help new parents. What would you add?

• Last week we did some question boxes about what you found the most helpful when you were expecting and newly postpartum. The responses were amazing- and mostly revolved around food 😂
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So I've rounded up YOUR answers for how all the people in your life can support you or any new parent! Scroll through to see the best & most commonly reported ideas for partners, parents & in laws, friends, coworkers and neighbors!
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If you know someone who's expecting or newly postpartum, save this post so you can support them in a way that feels thoughtful & loving!
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Anything I missed that you found to be the most helpful? Drop it in the comments!

Maybe one of the most important things I’ve posted all year.

• Have you heard the saying “unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments?”

I discovered the reality of this expression after becoming a mom.

We enter motherhood with so many unrealistic expectations.

We can attach our happiness to fulfilled expectations and this can set us up for shock, disappointment, self-judgement and resentment when we fail to meet those expectations. Expectation is often the root of our heartache.

What are your unspoken expectations of yourself as a mom? Are they realistic?

It can be useful to unpack our expectations of ourselves, our partners, our children... so we can examine whether these expectations are reasonable. This can provide us with insight into our emotions and help us develop self compassion. In this hard season of life, when we’re going through constant massive readjustment & transformation, we deserve self compassion.

I invite you to rewrite your expectations, and try lowering the bar (even a little) on your expectations.

“When we put down ideas of what life should be like, we are free to wholeheartedly say yes to our life as it is.”
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Happy National Nurses Day! I’ve been way behind on posts - but I couldn’t let another day go by on this day. One of the reasons I’ve been slow on my content is because I’m on my own path towards joining the ranks of the incredible men and women who call themselves nurses. Too often an unsung hero in our journey into parenthood in beyond. This year above all - they have shown up when many couldn’t. They have been partners, doulas, lactation consultants and therapists. They have kept us calm and steady. Thank you nurses! We owe you everything.