22/06/2026
✨ Missed conversations have big consequences ✨
Gail and Jeff came to me a few months after their son Caleb was born. Gail knew Jeff would be a wonderful father, but what she didn’t expect was that she would become a mom to him too and that the pressure of this would lead to her considering divorce.
When baby Caleb arrived, Gail early on found herself carrying the bulk of his care. She had to constantly direct Jeff, telling him what needed doing, when and how. In one of our sessions, I asked Jeff how he was experiencing this transition. What he said helped us make sense of what was really happening between them. He shared that Gail's confidence as a mother made him feel completely incompetent. Every time she stepped in or showed him how something should be done, it confirmed what he already feared, that he wasn't cut out for this. So instead of stepping in, he chose to withdraw.
Gail hadn't seen Jeff's withdrawal as insecurity. She interpreted it as him not being interested, and he in turn read her competence as proof she didn't need him. As we explored their situation, it became clear that underneath all the friction over chores and routines, they were both longing to feel seen and acknowledged by each other.
Gail & Jeff's story is a common scenario that many new parenting couples don't see coming. No one sees it coming or that it is actually happening until they get there. They buy into the fantasy of parenthood & love and only realise what it asks of them as individuals and their relationship once they are in the thick of things and don't have the emotional capacity to distinguish reality from their illusions about each other.
What Gail and Jeff discovered together, you can find before it gets that far.
Learn more about the Private Couples PATH™ here: noleneadams.com/the-private-couples-path
