13/10/2026
It happens when you’ve just met someone wonderful and you’re terrified of ruining it.
It happens when you’re already in a relationship and, somewhere along the way, you start believing your job is to make sure they never leave.
You become preoccupied with being interesting enough. Attractive enough. Easygoing enough. Worth choosing.
Or you go in the opposite direction.
You analyse every message. Question every intention. Create tests. Look for signs that someone isn’t good enough for you before they have the chance to disappoint you.
Different strategies. Sometimes the same underlying fear.
I see this often in my coaching.
Recently, I was working with a woman who was trying to understand every detail of a man’s behaviour.
“He did this, so it means he is that.”
“He said this, so perhaps he’s thinking this.”
And I invited her to consider something different:
What if you didn’t need to figure him out before you could listen to yourself? 💛
What if the questions became:
Am I enjoying this?
Do I feel comfortable being myself?
Am I genuinely curious about this person?
Do I like the connection we’re creating?
You also get to decide that a relationship isn’t right for you, even when the other person hasn’t done anything wrong.
