Francois Esterhuizen

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Francois Esterhuizen Marriage counselling and life coaching. Skills, tips and training for better relationships.

21/09/2026

Pouring in effort and nothing changes?

You keep pouring your effort into the bucket, but the levels stay the same. So you start explaining it to yourself. Maybe it's a waste of time. Maybe I'm busy with the wrong thing. Whatever your example is, you will find a way to go back to the start.

The full video, six reasons we lose momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk

19/09/2026

One more course before you start?

There's always a new angle, a new approach, a new understanding of your problem. And we get addicted to learning about the new way instead of applying any one of them, including the ones you already know. Rather learning than applying.

The full video, why we lose momentum: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk

17/09/2026

Same problem for two months?

If you've had the same problem for a month or two, you are probably just stuck in solving easy problems. The ones you've solved a hundred times. So instead, upgrade your problems. Get better problems.

One of six reasons we lose momentum. The full video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyqXDJz3xNk

You are mid-argument, jaw tight, chest tense.Your phone rings and it's a friend.Within seconds you're warm, genuinely pl...
16/09/2026

You are mid-argument, jaw tight, chest tense.
Your phone rings and it's a friend.
Within seconds you're warm, genuinely pleased to hear their voice.
You hang up and slide straight back into the argument.

A different belief system got activated, different thoughts, different emotions.
You weren't faking it, you genuinely felt it.
What happened was a focus shift.
The belief driving the conflict switched for the belief driving your affection.

If it can happen by accident, it can happen on purpose.
Change doesn't have to be slow or hard.
It can be massive and instant.

A belief isn't powerful because it's true. It's powerful because you believe it.

Awareness of what you believe in a moment means you can change it.
"I need to be right" keeps a conflict going.
How would you show up believing "I'm a great listener" instead?

Will believing you're a powerpuff girl help you give that presentation you're dreading with confidence?
Then give it a shot.

Notice what feels heavy this week.
Then ask yourself what you need to believe in that situation to show up the way you want to.

Find out more and book a free class → getclarity.co.za


You are playing a role you didn't chose.The responsible one.The strong one.The rebel.The helper.The peacemaker.The role ...
14/09/2026

You are playing a role you didn't chose.

The responsible one.
The strong one.
The rebel.
The helper.
The peacemaker.

The role gave you identity, belonging, a known way to respond.
It is outdated now, but you still feel pressure to fulfil it.

That pressure is the friction of the role dragging against who you want to become.

Staying in that role is an emotional decision based on loyalty and protection, not logic.
Who are you protecting?
What are you protecting?
Who are you serving at your expense?

What role are you in now that is keeping you from who you are trying to become?

Find out more and book a free class → getclarity.co.za


Self-help can feel like a waste of time.You take the course, read the book, try the exercises.You wait to finally feel f...
11/09/2026

Self-help can feel like a waste of time.

You take the course, read the book, try the exercises.
You wait to finally feel fixed, but it never quite arrives.

Self-help implies there is a problem that can be solved.
Complete.
It aims you at a finish line, a point where you're done.

So when the old pattern shows up again, you take it personally.
"I should be past this by now."
Every relapse feels like proof you're still broken.

But personal growth doesn't aim at a finish line.
There's no point where the process ends, no moment you graduate.
You don't arrive.
You keep becoming.

The setback you just had might look like the same thing as last year.
But it is no longer a relapse.
It is just evidence that you are in the process.

Maybe the pattern you keep repeating isn't proof you're broken.
What would change if you read it as proof you're still in the process?

Find out more and book a free class → getclarity.co.za


You meant well, but what happened next?You give the advice before anyone asks.You finish the task they could have finish...
09/09/2026

You meant well, but what happened next?

You give the advice before anyone asks.
You finish the task they could have finished themselves.
The desire to help is pure, but did you consider the outcome for them?

When the help backfires, the reflex is to defend your intentions.
You really did mean well, but that is not the point.

Wanting to help can be more about feeling good about yourself than about actually helping them.

What you weretrying to achieve describes your intention.
What actually happened describes the outcome.
Only one of those matters for the person you're trying to help.

This doesn't mean your intentions were wrong.
But intent is only half of the equation.

A useful outcome needs the good intention and a clear understanding of what the effect will be for them, now and later.

Tying a child's shoe doesn't hurt anyone, but each time you do it they lose the chance to learn how to do it themselves.
Your advice for a friend might be sound, but figuring it out the hard way might be what they actually need.

Next time you're tempted to advise, fix, or do it for them, your intention will probably still feel good.
But what will the outcome be for the person on the other side of your help?

Find out more and book a free class → getclarity.co.za


Ever stared at your task list with no idea where to start?It looks boring and overwhelming, so you reach for something s...
07/09/2026

Ever stared at your task list with no idea where to start?

It looks boring and overwhelming, so you reach for something stimulating instead.

You tell yourself it's a quick dopamine kick to get you going.

Only it's never quick.

You're not actually avoiding the tasks.
You're seeking relief from the overwhelm and the boredom underneath them.

The antidote is learning to embrace boredom.
Not pushing through it to get to something else, but pursuing it on purpose.
Doing the planning, removing distractions, sitting in front of the list without turning away.

The boring stuff doesn't feel like progress while you're doing it.
But it's where the clarity comes from, and clarity leads to momentum.

This isn't about surviving one boring task.
It's about developing a really really big appetite for being bored.

The more you choose it, the less it costs you.
The feelings behind it fade until you're not enduring boredom, you're reaching for it.
And away from procrastination.

Find out more and book a free class → getclarity.co.za


Feeling stuck doesn't mean you aren't moving.Stuckness feels safe because it is familiar.You know what to expect, you kn...
04/09/2026

Feeling stuck doesn't mean you aren't moving.

Stuckness feels safe because it is familiar.
You know what to expect, you know how to be that version of yourself.
You might not be happy, but you're comfortable.

Then clarity arrives and you know exactly what to do.
And you still don't do it.
The steps you see clearly now are the same ones that scare you.
Clarity can be paralysing.

The belief system keeping you stuck doesn't disappear when you know what to do.
It just finds a different way to keep you there.
More strategy, more planning, more research.

Thinking about what you need to do creates anxiety and overwhelm.
So you avoid the actions that lead to those emotions.
And you start feeling stuck all over again.

This new stuckness isn't failure, it's an indicator of progress.
As long as each new kind of stuckness moves you closer to what needs doing, it's a good sign.

You're further along than you were before.

Find out more and book a free class → getclarity.co.za

You slipped, but you didn't hit the ground.Somewhere above you is the life you are climbing toward.Every skill you build...
02/09/2026

You slipped, but you didn't hit the ground.

Somewhere above you is the life you are climbing toward.
Every skill you build becomes a rope.
Every belief you embed becomes an anchor point.
Every experience you carry becomes another point you can hold.

Then you slip.
For a moment it feels like the ground is right there waiting.
But the anchor holds.

That feeling of failure or panic is familiar, but it is a feeling, not a fact.
Your ropes and anchors are still holding you on the wall.

You reposition from the anchor point and start climbing again.
Not from the ground you imagined, but from the height your anchors caught you at.

Next time you slip, ask yourself which anchor is already holding you.
Then figure out your next steps from where you actually are.

You've built the support you need.
Just keep climbing.

Find out more and book a free class → getclarity.co.za


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