Erica Webb SelfKind

Capacity: our ability to hold and do and process all the things. As highly sensitive people, our capacity can be less than we wish for 😵‍💫

I remember the day I declared that I could no longer cook dinner every night. I was crumbling, and it wasn’t fun. Dinner wasn’t *the* issue, but it was the final straw; the thing that felt like it drained me of something I didn’t have to give.

I was so ashamed, but I felt desperate.

I always prided myself on doing it all (even though I never could, I was just masterful at masking my struggles) and the fear of failure I held onto when it came to being a mum was huge. But dinner was breaking me in ways I couldn’t really fathom, so something had to give.

The conversation about capacity is a tricky one because the honesty it requires is deep. It’s also tricky because it flies in the face of literally everything the dominate narratives stand for: sacrifice, push, suffering, productivity, blood sweat and tears.

I’m no longer ashamed of not making dinner every night. I’m proud of myself for knowing my limits and putting myself ahead of my fears.

Want to explore this more? This week’s podcast is all about capacity and why we seem to run in repetitive cycles of burnout 😵‍💫 Episode 333 of SelfKind - a podcast for highly sensitive people - is out now.

I started rollerskating just around my 40th birthday. Every Friday morning, for 3 years, I’ve been heading to the rink to skate in circles and learn new skills. I bloody love it.

As I skated today, I was thinking about the parallels between learning to skate and learning to be kinder to myself. Both were hard. Both required incremental change.

But incremental change WORKS. It just feels slow.

I’m a risk averse person. I wear all the safety equipment on the rink because it’s a long way down to a very hard floor if I trip over my own feet (and I do). So, being the risk averse person that I am, I try things slowly, bit by bit. I do it while biting my lip and holding my arms out like a toddler learning to walk.

Learning to be kinder and compassionate to yourself is much the same. You try a little bit. You trip and fall (metaphorically) only to get up and try again, a little clearer now on what doesn’t work.

And then, all of a sudden (but really many many attempts later), you look back and realise: you’re doing it! You built a skill and barely noticed when it changed from something that was so new it felt utterly unfamiliar to something that might still throw up some challenges, but that you understand.

So all of that to say: keep going with your small steps toward self-kindness and compassion. Every small step adds up.

So delighted to be facilitating this workshop with .r.glover of

Being a highly sensitive practitioner can be so powerful - you have the empathy and depth of perception that lends itself to compassion, understanding and connection. And … it can be a lot to navigate.

You, as a sensitive practitioner, deserve to have your sensitivity nourished and respected. When you’re in a helping profession, it’s easy to slip into a space where you give and give and give … until you’re giving from a place that is running dry.

How do you balance your empathy for others with your need for self-care?

How do you set things up so they work with your sensitivity rather than against it?

How do you embrace the best parts of your sensitivity while supporting the parts that are trickier to navigate?

Join us for this workshop where we’ll explore all of this and more.

https://highsensitivity.com.au/thriving-as-a-highly-sensitive-practitioner/

A little snippet of the last few days for me and my fam.

We slipped away to the river for a break before Christmas - something my nervous system has come to love deeply!

Honest truth? I’ve always found this season hard.

As an autistic, ADHD, highly sensitive woman, I’ve never really been able to find a sense of calm or contentment around it. I feel like I’m never doing enough, never gifting ‘properly’, and never responding the way I *should*.

I struggle with the perceived pressure, the expectations and the consumerism of it all. And … I want to be more joyful, generous and light.

This is something I often hear from other neurodivergent and highly sensitive people: the wish that they could just ‘loosen up’ or ‘not care so much’ or ‘be more fun’.

Yep. I hear and feel all of that right alongside you. And I think we’re putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves to conform.

And that’s not to say anything about the impacts of grief, trauma, anxiety or depression. It can be a melting pot for some.

So I really just come with a reminder for us all today.

Stop shaming and blaming yourself for how your nervous system processes the world. Stop shaming and blaming yourself for not being able to keep up in the ways you want. Stop shaming and blaming yourself when you don’t feel exactly as you think you should.

Instead, ask yourself: what might I need to feel more supported right now?

Is it a walk, 10 minutes in silence, a conversation with someone you trust, a good ol’ cuddle with your dog, or a quiet cuppa gazing out the window?

Pushing relentlessly is not the way.

Don’t discard yourself, your needs or your self-compassion in pursuit of what you think you should be doing. Pay attention to how you feel and offer yourself a compassionate, kind and supportive response to that 🩷