13/09/2026
🗣️The Waffle 🗣️
Mr Waffles says he is retiring for at least the 8th year in a row, so we will see. We all hope not! He’s got at least another 20 years in him.
Anyway……..
Good morning ladies and gents boys and girls and those strange ones that identify as something weird. Well as the curtain comes down and the dust settles on yet another end to a season we have your final waffle of the campaign. Well yesterday morning I rose like a salmon knowing that my main aim for the day was to get those contacts in before opening the batting in my final game of cricket, yes folks after 10 years of saying it it's finally happened I've hung up the old boots, although I've just looked at William Hill and they seem to think differently. We'll start today by getting the 1st team report out of the way as both teams had the old enemy Glusburn in our final games. Sutton batted first in a shorter game due to the weather. Sadly disaster struck early on as Jack 'Mr. Reliable' Whitaker was out when the score was on one. Snoddy however was digging in as all fell around him He eventually made 41 and we ended on 107. Stranded at the crease after our 30 overs were Rob Tedder on 11 and Mr Not Out himself Phil 'Statto' Edwards on a splendid 3. After tea which was a concoction by all the players, not sure what Snoddy's curry was like because when he was younger he often struggled to make a pot noodle. Glusburn knocked the runs off in 23 overs with only 4 wickets down, these being shared out 1 a piece for Will Tedder, Gilly, Laurie and Caleb. I asked if there was anything dodgy going on in the game or any blunders by anyone and all I got back was our former player Ryan Ridehalgh was gobby. This tickled me, seems like he's got under the 1st teams skin again, lesson for all concerned concentrate on your own game and don't get rattled. Well over at Glusburn and with contacts firmly inserted old red eyes was ready to do battle for one last time. The rain was still with us and with rule 7 firmly in place we had a bit of waiting to do. That gave Captain Shedders time to hand out some flowers to Jill Goose and Rebecca who had sat through all sorts of weather conditions watching in fact the only weather they didn't sit through was snow, so well supported you 3. Alice however was handed a tub of celebrations because they're her dad Craigs favourites, he was doing the selling at the cwarp after all although he was a bit tight not giving Shedders his cwarp discount card..... Alice don't let him have any the tight git. We finally got to play and we were batting first my moment of glory had arrived opening the batting. Order was read out and all I can understand about this was I may have been put number 10 because it was a restricted over game 25 each to be precise, and he didn't fancy letting a player loose in such circumstances who had made more ducks this season than Sutton beck. Only consolation was I was spared another duck and Captain Shedders was last man. Well the old boy was correct with the batting order as firstly Jack Middleton crashed 58 in no time and then James Tillotson followed suit crashing 58 also. Charlie Whitaker got 23 and then Reuben Tillotson got himself 16 not out. The highlight of Reubens innings was when he hit his first competitive 6 in his young career, lad couldn't stop smiling unlike mum Rebecca who then had to fork out ÂŁ20 for him doing so. Yours truly by the way was padded up but thankfully wasn't needed. We ended on a splendid 202 which was gonna take some beating. We dined and then I was asked which end I wanted it was the far end which was ever so slightly flatter than the bottom end. Three overs in and I struck the first blow a ball placed magnificently as the batter chipped it up to James Tilly. I was brought off pardon the expression here and was replaced by Harvey Fountain. Meanwhile at the other end Stan Kitching had been opening the bowling with me and he'd helped himself to a wicket cleaned bowled it was too. He was replaced by Oliver Pennell who then got to work in grand style. He was on hattrick ball but had to wait until his next over to do it. Although Captain Shedders did say he was taking him off, taking the Michael he was. I was first slip and for the very first time I was hoping the ball didn't come to me, what a way that would've been to go out dropping a catch and stopping one of the young guns getting a hattrick. Sadly it wasn't the best of balls and he just missed out on the hattrick. He did though carry on bowling well and he had 4 wickets in the locker when disaster struck. A ball flew to point James Tilly in his enthusiasm sprinted across calling out his name it wasn't his to have as Reuben was already there, the shout put Reuben off and the ball went down, Ollie walked away dejected has he thought he was coming off after that ball. No he wasn't as Captain Shedders showed why he's one of the best captains around, Ollie was to get his chance at a 5 for he was staying on. Ollie quickly repaid the skipper as he ended up getting 2 more wickets to finish an outstanding spell with 6 for 7, reminded me of me when I was a lad, long time ago may I add. Then with 1 wicket to get skipper put me back on to bowl hoping that I'd retire with a wicket. But alas it wasn't to be, firstly I was put on at the bottom end shocking shenanigans from said skipper. Then secondly our former player Ryan 'Potter' Fountain hadn't read the script as 4th bowl in he blasted me back over my head for 4. I stared at him fuming he stared back then winked I turned away in disgust, no folks not really I turned away laughing the bu**er had done me. Captain Shedders then took me off ready to put me back on for the final over at the correct end yes the top one. Sadly though it didn't happen as Potter slipped whilst going for a run and was duly run out, Glusburn all out for 78 a great win to end on. Oh by the way our little 6 machine Reuben did get himself a wicket as well to round off a good profitable day for the lad. We then had a team photo with all our magnificent supporters joining. Then in the changing rooms Captain Shedders got us all in for a quick team talk. Which was ended all about my retirement and a lovely little speech it was, then 3 cheers was had bloody fools haha. Just like to say it's been an absolute pleasure to play with and back in the day against such a great player as Captain Shedders, a cracking bloke. Oh and not forgetting every team mate I've played alongside... and there's been a hell of a lot of team mates me being an old fart now. Well during the day Captain Shedders whispered in my ear, no nothing fruity, it was about another of our team mates Jack Middleton who has decided that next year he his gonna try his hand with the big boys in the Bradford league with Keighley. I actually thought it was a bit of a secret at the time but later in the day every Tom, Dick and Harry seemed to know. Well all I can say is good luck Jack, you will be sorely missed because you are a cracking lad. I thankfully will still see him regular away, he's now in the King's Arms darts team with me and Captain Shedders, better pull his finger out if he partners me haha. When I finally got to the clubhouse after 2 attempts yes the news about Jack had got to Captain Shedders he'd forgot to pick his baccy up, more like he's just a d***y forgetful old sod. Well down at Royd Hill in the afternoon on the bar we had 2 lovely ladies, who did an amazing job as always. In the evening on the bar we had our dynamic duo Monica and Amy. Sadly though part way through the evening Monica lost her nozzle and squirted everywhere, now I'll just leave that one there to browse over. It was rodeo night as well some of us dressing up in cowboy gear. Rebecca Tillotson donning some very kinky cowboy boots lucky man his our Craig ooh la la. Costume of the night went to Sam Solley and his horse, not quite sure what Dobbin thought about it though. The night was then spent with good music from Gaz and Tom who performed magnificently as always. On to business and the raffle and for the second time only the first time being that old fire breather The Dragon the same person won both prizes on the raffle. Yes it was Rick Marks who won both but has been reading my waffle on a regular basis and decided after my reports on the Chateau De Crappo gave that fine bottle away not chancing having to taste something that's similar to witches water. Well folks I'd better call it a day for now and let you and me crack on with Sunday. So it's good bye from me for this season on the waffle. Don't forget folks always wrap up well in winter and keep safe, I'll see you all next season whilst I'm sat on Critics Corner by for now much love Mr. Waffles xx
