ParentingSuccess

I've never found the birthdays of the loved ones I've lost in my life more difficult than any other day. The missing is the same.

But my grandma and my dad were born on the 23rd and 24th of April and every year around this time, memories of my time with them become more vivid and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for having known them and been loved by them fills me.

My dear dad was just about to enjoy the fruits of his labour and had retired his surgical knife when he himself became a patient of an incurable disease that he died from 2 weeks before I became a mum for the 2nd time.

A scenario that feels impossible. And was hard, felt unfair, and surreal all at the same time. But somehow, alongside all the grief, he managed to give me permission to tend to the little life I was growing and this little girl lying in the hammock in Sweden, next to him - only 8 months prior.

I'm so moved by the grace he showed and the way that my mum was able to hold up the sky even when it felt like our world was falling apart. I felt parented and protected at such a crucial time..

Today I'm taking a moment to feel grateful for him, for life and all the beautiful things and people in it 💙

For many women, doing things that feel pleasurable can feel unsafe. Audacious maybe and too indulgent. Especially when the choir off voices who call your name, need you for something and just want you around, never goes quiet.

'When there's a break- I'll take a moment to ...'
In your mind you can't even think what that ...... is ... so you end up prioritising doing chores, because at least that way you feel a sense of control. Something is in order - even if just for 5 minutes.

And because we push ourselves at all times, our children's emotions will feel triggering. There's no space within to hold space for them.. so we shut them down, shush, tell off and disconnect.

What if, starting small and in little ways, you practiced doing little things for yourself to honour your own needs:
- sitting down with a drink and a book/magazine when the kids are playing
- taking a stroll in the garden, putting your fingers in the soil
-listening to your favourite podcast while walking or having a bath
- closing your eyes for 10 minutes before getting the kids after school

Our nervous system is flexible and can learn to find safety in things our past tells us is wrong.
And when we do - everyone benefits 💛