28/10/2026
It's my birthday this week, my second without Dad. The silence of my phone first thing that morning is already hurting. Dad would always ring to catch you early, before the day had started. He wouldn't say hello just launch into a raucous rendition of La breithe shona duit. If mam joined in behind him he would start to harmonise. My whole body would beam. Nothing else would be said. Just "I love yous" exchanged and he would be gone about his day.
My grief is uncomplicated. I didn't decide that, someone said it to me and they were right. My Dad had lived to a good age of 85. I always believed he would go well into his 90's mind you. He had been relatively well throughout. When Dad passed there was nothing left unsaid, no unfinished business, no regrets. He left knowing just how loved he was, and we were in no doubt of his love for us. He was ready, there was no fear or resistance from him. He was sure he was going into the arms of his God, whom he had followed his whole life. He slipped away peacefully and for all of that, I will be forever grateful.
From the moment my grief was described as uncomplicated, I started believeing that it was something that should stop hurting. I should just get over it. There were no layers of complexity that need to be worked through and somehow reconciled. It was not, by society's standards, traumatic, tragic or shocking and yet, to my body, nervous system, heart and soul it is all of that.
So now and I think forever more, I will get moments where I suddenly feel my throat constrict, eyes burn, stomach drop & heart shatter at the sheer pain of it. I never questioned loving him for so long so why am I questioning the lingering pain of the loss? How could it be any other way? Having him forever is all that I want, so how could anything less than that be acceptable?
To everyone that has had layers of complexity added to your loss, I am so sorry. To anyone who is as lucky as me to be navigating uncomplicated grief, I see you. I see your inability to accept that life must go on without them. I see and feel the depth of it all. It's valid, so so valid and it always will be
❤️