16/09/2026
2026 will forever be the year I finally lost my fear of butterflies.
Weird but true - butterflies used to cause me so much anxiety (only surpassed by grasshoppers), yet moths did not.
It’s a great example of how sitting with a feeling, a thought and trying to understand it, cannot only make you understand its origins but also come out the other side and conquer it.
People always seem to love butterflies but for as long as I can remember they have caused me mild panic.
I used to tell the story of how, as a child, we would go to our local zoo in Cologne. I have always loved snakes but in order to get to their area, you had to walk through the dreaded Butterfly Room.
Well, I dreaded it anyway. Everyone else seemed to absolutely love it. It was a small warm glass chamber, with lush exotic plants and hundreds of butterflies randomly whizzing through the air. Sometimes they landed on you - everyone’s highlight was my absolute nightmare.
Through therapy and the learning on my counselling diploma I have understood that the enclosed, uncomfortably warm space with unpredictable movement of its inhabitants closely mirrored something very traumatic from my childhood.
Understanding this did two things for me - I finally managed to see butterflies for the beautiful, harmless creatures they are - in fact, I have started to get a lot of pleasure from this couple of brimstone butterflies visiting my lavender this year; and I also took it as a metaphor for my own strength that I repeatedly walked through something difficult and unpleasant to get to my goal on the other side.
Our experiences, as they say, shape us. They may be hard but the reward may just lie within that difficulty.
Next step - conquer the grasshopper. I may be some time. 🙈
Have you got a random fear that you don’t quite understand?
