Shine a Light Coaching

Tonight is the first night of "Empty" a play by Robert Nurden

Previews have already received rave reviews. 'Important', 'a rollercoaster' and 'a play that talks about something never heard on stage before'

Tackling the topic of unwanted childlessness.

The theme may be a highly unusual one: the heartache attached to not becoming a parent when you always wanted to be one.

Actors Hannah Gordon and Paul Kemp breathe passion into this little recognised corner of the human heart.

"Empty" has a five night run at the Drayton Arms Theatre, London.

Go along to be entertained and challenged in equal measure. This is a play for everyone, not only those of us who have endured the path of childlessness.

Bonus the theatre is air conditioned!

Double bonus Robert Nurden will be at every performance, so you'll have the chance to meet him. Also on Wednesday, 8 July (after the show), there will be a panel discussion on the issue of unwanted childlessness.

Would love to boost ticket sales for this wonderful play that Robert, the director, actors and everyone else involved have poured so much into.

More info here:
https://www.thedraytonarmstheatre.co.uk/empty

Tickets here:
https://www.thedraytonarmstheatre.co.uk/tickets/empty

Stop editing yourself.

​How many times have you edited an email to sound "nicer"?

Or held back a brilliant idea so you didn't seem "too much"?

At Shine a Light Coaching, I see so many incredible women dimming their own glow just to fit in. It's the "palatability trap," and it’s exhausting.

​The Solution: I’ve just started an early copy of "Beyond Palatable" by the brilliant Sophie Jane Lee, and it is the exact manifesto we need right now.

It’s a call to arms for every woman ready to stop playing small and start taking up space.

​As a coach, I’m already flagging pages to share with my clients. This isn't just a book; it’s a tool for transformation.

​SUPPORT & WIN: 🏆
To celebrate the launch, Sophie is offering a fantastic incentive. Send Sophie your pre-order receipt and you’ll be entered into a prize draw for some wonderful prizes!

Let’s support a powerhouse female voice and get this manifesto to the top of the charts 🥳

​Pre-order link and receipt submission email are in the comment
👇
​

Valentine’s Day can stir up all sorts of emotions, can’t it?

From childhood crushes and secret admirers
to adult hopes, expectations and quiet disappointments.

I remember primary school so vividly. Wishing for a card from a certain someone. When it finally arrived I was so overwhelmed I cried and asked my friend to return it.

Wherever you are Mark Hunter… I am sorry 🤣

There were also the mysterious Valentines that appeared through our front door every year. No stamp. No address. Despite her annual denial, I always knew they were from Mum.

For a long time Valentine’s Day was about romantic love.

Now, as a coach who supports childless not by choice hearts to build lives filled with acceptance, purpose, self trust and joy, I see just how layered this day can be.

For some, you are in loving relationships and still grieving the child you longed for.

For some, you are single and carrying both the absence of a partner and the absence of a child.

For some, you are navigating complicated relationships, dating fatigue, or the quiet question of will it ever happen for me?

This day can gently or loudly highlight:

The love we have
The love we longed for
The version of life we imagined
The child who is loved deeply, even if they are not here

And that can ache.

This morning I realised something.
For years I was focused on who might send me a card.

I had overlooked the most important person.

Me.

So if Valentine’s Day feels tender for you this year, here is my invitation:

Write yourself a Valentine 💌

Not the fluffy kind. The honest kind.

A letter that says:

I see how hard this has been.
I see how much love you carry.
I see the strength it takes to keep showing up.
I see the woman you are beyond relationship status.
I see the woman you are beyond motherhood.

You do not need a partner to be worthy.
You do not need a child to validate your capacity to love.
You do not need a card to prove you matter.

Your heart is not empty.
It is expansive.

And if parts of you feel bruised or battered, they are not broken.
They are grieving.
They are tender.
They deserve compassion.

Today, extend love to every part of yourself.
Especially the parts that feel unseen.

How lovely is this 🥰

Miller's Ark offers adult only days. If only I'd know about this place when we lived in Hampshire.

Last winter, I shared my Winter Reflections Workbook.
And it still feels just as needed today.

January can be loud.
New goals. New plans. New versions of ourselves we’re told we 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 be chasing.

But winter doesn’t ask that of us.
It asks us to pause.
To tell the truth about where we are.
To sit still, to tend to what’s underneath, not rush ahead of it.

This free Winter Reflections Workbook is for childless-not-by-choice hearts who want space to reflect without pressure.
To acknowledge what the past year has held.
To reconnect with themselves.
To gently consider what they want to nurture next, without forcing answers.

Inside, you’ll find guided prompts that explore self-love, identity, worth, grief, dreams, and legacy, all through a childless lens.

If you’re craving something slower, kinder, and more honest than “new year, new you”, you’re very welcome here.

𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗹𝗼𝗮𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲:
👉 👉 👉 https://shinealightcoaching.co.uk/winter-reflections-free-workbook-2026/

You don’t need to be ready for the whole year.
You just need space to meet yourself where you are.

Today actually is Blue Monday 💙

Last Monday I was premature and fully believed it was already here.
Which says a lot about how easily ideas land when we’re already carrying a lot.

As I head into the latter part of my working day, I thought I’d keep it simple.

I’ve allowed the blues of today be:
a new soft, warm and bright SeaSalt jumper
a pint mug bought from France (filled with tea of course!)
a swipe of YSL eyeliner that I've had for yonks

And that’s it.

If today has felt heavy, you’re not alone.
If it’s passed without much impact, that matters too.

Labels can give permission.
They can also quietly shape the story we tell ourselves.

So maybe the invitation now isn’t to feel any particular way, but to choose what you carry into the rest of the day and the week ahead.

And if you’re standing at the start of something, unsure of the next step, that’s still enough for today.

You don’t need to see the whole path to take the next step.

Be gentle with yourself as today comes to a close 💙

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽.

A few of you messaged me after my Blue Monday post 💙

(even though it wasn’t actually Blue Monday 🫣)

You said things feel hard right now.

And that when a day is labelled as “blue”, it gives permission to feel sad.

But at the same time, it can quietly plant another message.

That this is how you 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 feel.

That heaviness is expected.

That this is just how Mondays are.

How all the days can be.

How life might be.

𝗕𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸𝗲𝗻𝗱, 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲.

Because without space, without support, many of us return to the same internal place day after day. Our shoes-off self. The thoughts, habits, and emotional loops we drop into automatically.

Some people are still standing in the same place they were this time last year.

Or the year before.

Or the year before that.

This is especially true for those living with childlessness-not-by-choice, where grief often runs quietly in the background of everyday life.

That isn’t wrong.

It makes sense.

Especially when you’re carrying and living with grief, loss, and an unchosen life.

🥰𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗱𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼.

There is so much more to living than quietly getting through the same day, the same week, the same month, the same year over and over again.

Coaching creates space.

Space to notice patterns.

To understand where your mind and body go when no one is holding the torch with you.

To question what you’ve accepted as “it is what it is”

To uncover where you're selling yourself short.

And to begin choosing something different, at your own pace.

I work with childless-not-by-choice folk who are ready for that deeper, compassionate work. To create space, notice patterns, and shift how they’re living.

If something in this has landed for you, I’m here, send me a message or book a call here https://calendly.com/shinealightcoaching/discovery-call

📸 Unknown paths can be beautiful - this one in Greece reaches down to a private beach

What a donut!

Small confession.

I’d been talking about Blue Monday, and then one of you lovely lot told me… it’s actually next week 🤦‍♀️

Two people had mentioned Blue Monday to me. I believed them, trusted them, didn't question at all and so off I went looking for ma blue grid.

Which honestly reinforces the point.
When you’re tired, tender, or already carrying a lot, ideas land easily.
Labels stick.
Stories shape how you feel.

Consider this your reminder to question the stories you absorb so easily without realising. Including the ones you tell yourselves.

📸 Donuts in NYC that I have to be honest, much to my disappointment, were not all that!

𝗕𝗹𝘂𝗲 𝗠𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 💙

You’ve probably heard it already.
“The most depressing day of the year.”

Even though it was invented years ago by travel marketers, it’s fascinating how powerful repetition can be. Say something often enough and suddenly people start feeling it.

Both a client just now and my husband this morning said today certainly feels like Blue Monday.

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲, 𝗠𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗮 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻.

So instead of fighting it, I thought we could gently play with it.

Here’s an invitation if you’re up for it.

Go to your phone photos.
Search the word blue.

See what comes up.

Yes, there might be blue skies and blue seas from holidays past. And that doesn’t mean the travel marketers have won.

You might also find
A favourite jumper
A mug you love
A winter sky
A flower
A moment you’d forgotten
A calm place
A memory that still holds warmth

Same word. Same colour. Very different meaning.

This is coaching in its simplest form.
Not denying how today feels.
Just noticing how quickly our mind can widen the picture when we invite it to.

📸 Some from my blue grid
If you join in, I’d love to see yours 💙

Sometimes a small shift is enough to remind us that the story isn’t fixed.

On New Year’s Eve I did a small but important thing I had been avoiding.

𝗜 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝗺𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗚𝗣 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝗺𝗼𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗱.

It had been on my list for months. I have quite a few moles but this one looked and felt different and it had grown relatively quickly. I could see it every day and still I kept pushing it down the list. 𝗙𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁.

Within 30 minutes I got a callback to come to the surgery at 5.10pm.

Not where I expected to be on New Year’s Eve. And if I am honest my mind went straight to worry. It also brought back memories of being in Royal Cornwall Hospital with my aunt the New Year before.

The nurse explained I had only been called in so quickly because of a cancellation, which offered some relief to my worrying mind. The images were taken and sent off.

𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗜 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘀.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗻.

All that worry I had pushed down for months was resolved in days.

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗻𝘀. Talk ourselves out of acting. Tell ourselves we are being dramatic. I see this pattern in my coaching work. With our health, our grief, our needs, our boundaries.

If there is something health-wise you have been pushing down or quietly worrying about, maybe this is your sign to get it checked. 𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆. 𝗚𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗳𝗮𝗿 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁.

The GP also shared this resource with me, which I found incredibly clear and reassuring. Sharing here in case it helps someone else too
https://www.dermnetnz.org/topics/moles

If this post nudges even one person to book an appointment they have been putting off, then it feels worth sharing.

Be kind to yourself. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼.

Me in Brugge before Christmas, loving the beer and cheese combo!