It’s Sunday night. I’m chilling on the couch, nothing good is on TV, so I just leave an old classic rom-com that was on to unwind.
Two hours later, I am staring at the screen in complete horror. 🍿😳
The plot? A girl in love with her friend... who is literally getting married in a few days to her best friend.
👉🏼 He cheats on his bride-to-be with the main girl, spends the whole movie being too scared to make a decision (or any manly action), rejects the main girl several times after leading her on while she was desperately waiting for him to choose her.
And the big, grand finale? He finally chooses her at the last second, and we’re supposed to clap because it’s a “happy ending”?
Bitch, please. I can’t believe I lost 2 hours of my life on this.🙄
In my head I was like:⬇️
Congratulations girl, you just won a prize you’re gonna want to give back in 6 months.
🚩 That’s not a soulmate, that’s a walking red flag, a trauma bond. That’s a weak bastard who made you wait to be chosen while he ran around ruining lives.
And then it hit me: THIS is what we grew up watching and dreaming about. 🤯
We were literally conditioned as little girls to think that anxiety, breadcrumbing, and waiting around for a man to finally choose us was the perfect love story.
We were taught that if a guy treats you like an option, you just have to love him harder until he sees your worth.
Honestly? It should be illegal to label that as love. 🚫🎬
If 16-year-old me watched that movie, I would have loved it. But today me, a secure woman who survived the toxic cycle and built a healthy relationship with my now partner, thankfully knows the truth.
Real love isn’t a rollercoaster where you’re begging for the bare minimum.
💗 Real love is safe, straightforward, and doesn’t leave a trail of emotional destruction behind it.
So please stop dreaming about and romanticizing Hollywood movie “love”. If he can’t decide if he wants you, help him out and decide for him.
Let’s leave the drama in the past where it belongs.👋🏼
Alchemist Babe
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Transformation & relationship coach ❤️
Helping women heal their past relationship wounds, find their unique selves again, and attract healthy love in their lives.
07/22/2026
⬇️ Here’s why you keep falling for the guy who pulls away.
You meet him, and the spark feels like literal fireworks.
🎆It’s intense, it’s magical, and it feels like fate. But it’s not fate, it’s a chemical reaction between two matching wounds.
When you have an anxious attachment style, your biggest fear is abandonment.
You feel like you have to perform, fix things, and be perfect just to keep someone from leaving you.
When he starts to pull away, your nervous system goes into full panic mode. It feels like you are starving for air. So, you start chasing.
📱You text more, you check your phone every two minutes, and you try to fix a problem he created.
But the harder you chase, the faster he runs.
This isn’t love. It’s a toxic dance. And it is completely exhausting you.
💔 It leaves you feeling broken, lost, and hopeless, wondering if any good men even exist anymore.
They do. But to find them, you have to step off this ride.
If you are both committed, you can heal this together. It requires you to stop chasing when you feel anxious, and it requires him to stop running when things get close.
But if he refuses to do the work?
You have to love yourself enough to walk away from the dance entirely.
You are not a rehabilitation center for emotionally unavailable men. You deserve a love that feels like home, not a rollercoaster.
You are enough. You always have been.
❤️Follow Vanja | Relationship Healing Coach if you want to break this cycle for good.
⬇️Did this ever happen to you?
Someone starts acting distant, giving you the cold shoulder, or pulling that classic, toxic power move: threatening to leave you because “you’ll never find someone better.”
Old me? I would have panicked. I would have sent a 5-page text asking what I did wrong, stayed up until 3 AM overthinking, and literally begged them to stay.
Classic anxious attachment survival mode. 😮💨
But today me? Oh, honey. Today me is a secure woman who values her peace way too much.💅🏼
If you want to walk out of my life or if you’re trying to use leaving me as some sick threat to make me chase you? I’m not gonna beg.
In fact, let me get that door for you.
Do you need a map?
A snack for the road?
Let me wave you on your way. 👋
When you’re healing after a toxic relationship, the hardest pill to swallow is realizing you don’t have to tolerate someone holding your relationship hostage.
If I knew in my past relationship what I know now, I would’ve kicked my ex out the door the very first time he tried that threat.
But we learn, we heal, and we upgrade.
If someone wants to remove themselves out of your life (or threatens to do it to control you), let them.
Their exit is actually a massive gift for your peace of mind. You are not a rehabilitation center for people who don’t know how to communicate or appreciate you.
So don’t ask questions. Don’t beg.
🙋🏻♀️Just smile, and wave.
Your circle might get smaller, but the peace gets a whole lot better.
Close the door and stay unbothered.💃🏻
07/16/2026
⬇️Picture this: You’ve spent the last three hours reading healing books, sipping your coffee, doing your positive affirmations, and feeling like an absolute, secure queen.
Then, your phone buzzes. It’s a text that literally just says: “hey.” 📱
The immediate, internal panic hits.
Why did they write it in lowercase?
Why is there no emoji?
Are they mad?
Is this the end?
And just like that, you are in a 4-hour deep-dive analysis over a single three-letter word. 🙄
Can we agree that our brains are wildly dramatic sometimes?
Look, a few years ago when I was trying to heal from past toxic relationships and figure out my own anxious attachment style, I was the absolute queen of this.
😰I would read all the self-help books, write page after page in my journal, and declare myself “fully healed”, only to completely spiral because a guy took 22 minutes longer to reply than usual.
Back then, I would have cried thinking I was totally broken.
But today, as someone who is in a beautiful, healthy 4-year relationship now, I’m here to give you a massive reality check.
👉🏼 Healing is not this perfect, pretty, linear line.
You don’t just magically wake up one day and never overthink again. Your nervous system has survived some real, heavy trauma-bond drama in the past, so your brain is naturally wired to look for danger.
It’s trying to protect you, even if it’s being a little dramatic about it.
Doing the healing work doesn’t mean you do it perfectly. It just means that when you do catch yourself writing a whole psychological thriller in your head over a “hey” text, you catch it, laugh at yourself, and move the hell on with your day.
I’ve been in your shoes.
I know the frustration of feeling like you’re taking one step forward and two steps back. But trust me, you are not running out of time, and you are not doing it wrong.
You are allowed to be healing and still be a little bit of a chaotic mess sometimes.
So take a deep breath, shake off the guilt, and just keep going.❤️
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