HMPS RFC

11/10/2026

🚨 TEAM ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
​Presenting our Captain and Vice-Captain for the upcoming season! These two are absolutely vital to us functioning on game days—mostly because they’re used to dealing with a bunch of unruly adults who refuse to listen, follow instructions, or stay in their designated areas on the pitch. 🏉🏃‍♂️
​Captain: Ready to keep everyone in line and make sure nobody tries an unauthorized "early release" from the defensive line.
​Vice-Captain: Expert in lockdown defense, tactical roll calls, and making sure the post-match debrief doesn't turn into a full-blown tribunal.
​Well done, lads! May you lead us well, keep the chaos contained.

28/09/2026

The HMPPS rugby squad is back on the pitch on the 28th October taking on a brand-new GB Ambulance setup.
​Word on the wire is the Green Machine are still filling out their induction packs, looking for the key tally, and trying to figure out who’s got clearance for the kit bag. Don't worry lads, we’ve already completed the risk assessment, carried out a roll call, and searched their boots for contraband.
​A quick heads-up to the Ambulance crew:
​Blue lights won't clear a path through our front row.
​You can't request a shift swap halfway through the second half.
​Standard 8-minute response time is a bit slow when our winger is heading for the try line.
​On the plus side, if anyone gets tackled into next week, at least we won't have to wait six hours in A&E for a handover. 🚑💨
​May the best service win! (And we promise to unlock the changing room doors after 80 minutes).

24/09/2026

23/09/2026

Boots bulled within an inch of their lives, kit laid out, and the room’s so clean you’d think the Governor was walking through with a white glove. Miracles really do happen—the screws are match-ready!
​Massive shoutout to all our sponsors for sorting the fresh gear. At least when we’re wheezing five minutes into the match, we’ll look proper sharp doing it. Time to get out there and show 'em how it's done! 🐕🏆
​

20/09/2026

🚨 THE ROLL IS IN! 🚨
And so we have it… the team has officially been selected for our first game of the season! 🏉🔥
And making his way into the hot seat as captain is none other than our very own poster boy! 😎👏
A well-deserved spot for the day — although whether the captaincy is a reward or a disciplinary measure remains to be seen! 😂
The squad is locked in, the boots are polished, and the excuses are already being prepared…
Time to get the roll on and represent HMPPS Rugby! 💪🏉

16/09/2026

🚨🏉 LESS THAN ONE WEEK TO GO! 🏉🚨
The countdown is on! ⏳
HMPPS 🆚 Welsh Fire Service 🔥
A tough battle is coming for bragging rights — and we all know prison officers don’t like giving anything up… especially the bragging! 😂

11/09/2026

🔔 ATTENTION ON THE WING! 🔔
​With less than two weeks until kick-off, we’ve officially been granted early release for some association time. Naturally, that means putting one of our own staff on report... 📝🚨 (You know who you are).
​🚨 VENUE CHANGE / GOVERNOR'S ORDERS 🚨
Make sure you don't get routed to the wrong block—we’ve shifted the location:
​📍 Taffs Well RFC
📮 CF15 7JD
​Tag a colleague who's bound to miss unlock and show up at the wrong venue! 👇

08/09/2026

01/09/2026

Prison Service vs. Welsh Fire Brigade! ⚽🔥
Will they tangle us up in hoses, or are we locking them down for 80 minutes? Time to see if they can run as fast on the pitch as they do to the station kettle. Keys out, lads! 🔒

20/08/2026

🏉 FULL TIME | NOTTS POLICE 36–12 HMPPS 🚔🔵
The roll is in… and unfortunately the Police have managed to keep us locked up on the scoreboard! 😂🔒
A hard-fought battle from start to finish, with the HMPPS lads digging deep and never giving up. Plenty of graft, plenty of big hits, and thankfully nobody needed to file an incident report! 👮‍♂️🏉
A massive thank you to Notts Police for having us and for a cracking game. Respect all round. 🤝
We may have lost the battle tonight, but the prison service never surrenders… we’ll be back for another sentence! 😉